Who's Got Your Happy?

Any time a theme presents itself through multiple converstaions on multiple occasions over a short period of time I figure it’s either a universal element in the human experience or I have become sensitive to it because there is a lesson there I need to learn.

Yeah – you’re right. It’s probably both. So some examples…

• A friend’s partner of three years said “I’m not happy and I think that means I don’t love you anymore so I need you to move out.”
• Another friend said to me “I’m so depressed, I just can’t seem to make my wife happy no matter what I do.”
• A casual acquaintance said to me “For me to be happy at work my boss would have to…”
• A client said "I want to have more clients that make me happy."

The list goes on…

And then while I was reading Richard Bach’s Illusions for the umpteenth time (give or take a few) I read what the protégée of the story says, quite unaware of the significance of his observation, to his mentor;

“If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.”

How often have you said - or at least thought - "When YOU do that it makes ME really unhappy?" Or "If YOU would only ________ it would make ME so happy."

How many people's "happy" do you hold in your hands? Who's holding on to yours?

In my inspection of my own attitudes about happiness I made a list of things that make me "unhappy" - that rob me of my happiness. And I realized that the emotion I often called "happy" wasn't happiness at all and the things I believed made me unhappy only marred my joy for as long as I allowed them to do so but they did not prevent me from connecting to the source of my "happy."

So what is that thing we call happiness? Since we all know that "happy" people are more successful in love and business and even tend to live longer lives it seems like a relevant question.

Most people who know me probably think I'm ALWAYS upbeat, positive, optimistic - in a word, "happy." Let me debunk that myth right now. I'm an intense person - when I am NOT upbeat, positive and optimistic I could have Pollyanna preparing for Armegeddon. But those things don't equate to "happy" and not being upbeat, positive and optimistic doesn't mean I'm UNhappy.

As with most every other "truth", I believe everyone has to figure out their own personal truth about "happy." I'll share what I discovered about mine, maybe it will help someone else discover their own.

"Happy" for me is more than an attitude. It is a state of being - something that transcends my current circumstances or situation. Knowing that doesn't automatically mean "now I'm going to be happy all the time for no reason at all."

It does mean that I can choose to tap into my "happy" (the most common definition, by the way, is "marked by joy or pleasure") even when I am experiencing a host of negative emotions.

I might be in a situation that keeps me from being fulfilled, I might experience an illness that keeps me from being productive, I might have failed to meet my own expectations - so I might be feeling unfulfilled, sick, unproductive and like a failure. I might have even more severe challenges, loss of my physical freedom, loss of the freedom to express myself honestly - things that strike at the essense of my ability to BE myself. But that only means there are circumstances I am not happy ABOUT - not that I, at my core and as a whole being, am not "HAPPY" - so long as I can experience joy and pleasure I can be happy.

And that "happy" can give me the strength, conviction and courage to address the things I'm unhappy ABOUT.

The next time you say to yourself "If ______ would ________ then I would be happy" ask yourself - "really - don't I really mean that I would be happiER?"

It's likely that having that person give you recognition, affection, attention, help in the kitchen, cooperation on a project, etc... would ADD to your pleasure and joy. That being healthier, slimmer, having more free time, etc... would ADD to your pleasure and joy.

Even situations that restrict your ability to BE yourself - a client, boss, lover, spouse or friend who disapproves of you when you are being your most natural self or who does not recognize your interests or needs in the relationship - YOU are still the one choosing to continue the relationship. If you have exhausted all measures to create equity in the relationship then your only option may be to end it and that is often painful for emotional and/or financial reasons. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide if the restrictions you have allowed that person to place on you cause more pain than it would cause you to transition out of the relationship. YOU are the only person who can make that choice and take that step.

But when you say "I would be happy if..." you are sending yourself a message that you CANNOT be happy until that happens. The unhappiness you choose when you choose that statement robs you of the wherewithal to make that thing come about whether it requires impacting another life, changing your home or work environment, making different decisions about how you spend your time and energy or improving or even leaving a relationship.

No one is holding your "happy" hostage except you.

Of course, as with any truth, the converse is true as well. You can certainly do things to make others happiER but you cannot make them happy if they are not. You might be the source of dissatisfaction, discomfort and even unfulfillment. You MIGHT even be putting up barriers to their being their true selves, doing and being what they are most joyful doing and being - I hope not, but I've been guilty of that in relationships and I think most of us can do that to others without being aware of it. But you do NOT hold their "happy" in your hands.

You have the opportunity to add MORE joy to your life (and believe me that WILL be reflected in your business success) and you have the wonderful opportunity to add MORE joy to the lives of others (and THAT will be reflected in your business sucess as well.) It may require effort (sometimes known as "work") but if the outcome is truly joy then it won't seem like drudgery. Tapping into your "happy" can transform a task or situation you do not enjoy into an outcome and an experience that will lift your spirits for the rest of your life.

Certainly I enourage you to explore the things you aren't happy ABOUT and the things that bring you joy (see the last three posts here.) But know that your source of "happy" is INTERNAL - looking to EXTERNAL sources for it or trying to BE the source of "happy" for someone else is like looking for seashells in the forrest - it will only lead to frustration, bitterness and failure.

So go for the JOY, add to your "happy" and the "happy" of others. But first connect to that fire within you that holds the seeds of your happiness and CHOOSE to BE happy so long as that fire is even an ember.

Transforming Your Business by Indulging in Joy

"Indulge"

- isn't that a marvelous word? It's right up there with "transform" and "connect" on my list of favorite verbs.

As we embark on the new year I hear people say "this year I'm going to work more ON my business not IN my business" and "this is my year to work ON me" and "this year I'm going to work on being more..." and even I refer to my best clients as the ones who come to me ready to "do the work." Clearly we believe that transformations happen because we work to make them possible.

So am I saying we can enjoy every moment - maybe not. I'm probably never going to enjoy some tasks but I still experience joy in the outcomes. And that joy lights my fire and powers my action which leads to outcomes.

So why do we focus on the work? Why don't we focus instead on the joy that effort produces?

I have repeatedly seen that people who focus on the joy in the outcome rather than the task or the goal consistently transform themselves and their businesses. Ask them if it was work and they'll likely say "sure it took EFFORT - but it brought me a lot of joy."

So I can bet you want to know how.... Let me give you an example. In my last post I shared MY Joy List.

In 2010 I will...

• Make more people smile
• Plant more roses
• Take more walks
• Play more music
• Reach more clients
• Be more aware of the transformations that happen every minute of every day

It's pretty clear that "reach more clients" is an outcome that can transform my business. And since I"m a "transformation agent" being more aware of transformations also has a huge impact on my ability to open those paths to clients as well.

But what about "make more people smile?" Isn't that just a "random act of kindness" kind of thing?

Well, I don't think of making people smile as a business strategy, BUT I do have business strategies that bring me joy because they make people smile. Let me share one that the author's of The Go-Giver just shared for the new year.

I have so many true Go-Givers in my life and I'll bet you do to. They smile when I tell them how much I appreciate that they live those principles but they smile even bigger and longer when I recognize their Go-Giver nature to the world. With The Go-Giver Award I can do just that - make someone smile every single day AND let the world know how much I appreciate them in my life.

So on my daily to-do list starting today is to send ONE Go-Giver award to someone I want to recognize as a Go-Giver EVERY SINGLE DAY!

How is that a business strategy? Let's look at the hard-nosed pragmatic side. Since I am certified to coach on The Go-Giver and I speak and do workshops on the 5 Laws, anything that makes people more aware of the 5 Laws of Stratospheric Success increases my worth and credibility. Since authors Bob Burg and John David Mann are great friends and huge proponents of my efforts helping them helps me. Shoot, the web page even has the first chapter to the NEW Go-Giver book, Go-Givers Sell More and I am actually featured (as are many of my friends) in that book. So is it a sound promotional strategy? You bet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.... Truth is there are a lot of things I could put on my to-do list that would achieve all that and maybe more. But I know I'll DO this - because imagining the smile on the face of the recipient brings me so much joy I'd do it even if I weren't so closely tied to the book.

Being able to easily download this certificate and share it through social media lets me implement all 5 Laws at once - because it does add value, it reaches many people, it serves others interests, it's totally authentic and I'm open to receiving whatever comes to me as a result because I know one thing - people WILL smile. How could anyone who really is using those 5 Laws in their life and business receive recognition like this and it not bring a smile to their face?

It is only fitting that the first of my Go-Giver awards goes out to my good friend and colleague, sales trainer, Yellow-Tie founder, author and idea man extraordinare - Gill Wager.

It was Gill who gave me my first copy of The Go-Giver, who first introduced me to the authors, who founded the Business Development Association, Yellow-Tie International on the very principles in the book, and who is a shining example of what it means to BE a Go-Giver!

Gill, you inspire me daily - it gives me tremendous JOY to have this opportunity to acknowledge everything you do for me and for everyone whose lives you touch!

And THAT, as The Go-Giver co-author Bob Burg says in his keynote, is "not only a nice way to live life but a very profitable one as well."

(kudos also to Thom Scott and Cesar Abeug for the concept and design of the award and the web site and to Kathy Zader for implementation.)

What is JOY worth?

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy"

Thich Nhat Hanh

Picture this; you stop for a cup of coffee, tired from a long day followed by a short night, stressed and in a hurry - you just need that cup of joe. Which cup of coffee is more likely to set your world right, the one handed you by a blank-faced, perfunctory server who is "nice enough" or the one served by someone whose smile is genuine and whose face is alight with joy?

During a recent coaching session a friend, fellow coach and client of many years confessed to me that she still struggles with charging a fee for coaching because it brings HER so much joy.

So I asked her "what is a coach who does not bring joy into the relationship worth?" She admitted that would have very little value. "So then," I challenged her, "you would have to agree that it stands to reason that, assuming their skills and talents were similar, a coach who brought tremendous joy into the relationship would be worth proportionately more?"

Yes, she agreed, that seemed reasonable. Uh huh - I let that sink in for a few moments.

While coaching another good friend; author, speaker and interrogator extraordinaire, "Hello My Name is Scott" Ginsberg (whose 10th book is about to become available and he's not yet 30!) this summer we talked about all the things that he had NOT been doing because of a situation in his life - things that brought him joy. He made a plan to reengage with those activities and coined the phrase "triggers for joy." He soon "reported in" that "pulling his triggers for joy" let him break through what might have been a roadblock in record time.

In my keynote; "What is YOUR light: Connecting Passion, Purpose and Presence" I suggest that audiences connect with their personal passion and purpose to project a powerful presence, a presence that resonates with joy. That presence and the clarity of the message behind it can transform a person, a career or a business more quickly and more sustainably than any other factor.

In my last post, "So you say you made a resolution", I suggested that New Year's resolutions and goals that are grounded in things that bring YOU joy are more likely keep you moving forward toward your objectives.

In fact, I suggested that you focus on "outcomes that make you dance a jig and turn crazy cartwheels on the landscape of your mind."

BUT - Remember that joy needn't BEGIN with your business or your professional goals in order to BENEFIT your business or professional goals. That server whose attitude lifted your spirits before you even took a sip of that morning coffee may not have ENJOYED her tasks but she had a joy that she brought with her into her job. And her joy, regardless of the source, made her more valuable to your morning and therefore, to her employers, than the server who was simply performing her tasks and being "nice enough." Certainly "triggers for joy" that can be pulled by things you do in your work are powerful in building your value but living a life that allows you to experience joy adds to your net worth, regardless of the type of work you do.

In The Go-Giver, authors Bob Burg and John David Mann share the Law of Authenticity; "The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself." How do you make that gift MORE valuable? Add joy. Because joy cannot be faked. Enthusiasm can be faked, but joy, by its very nature, must be authentic.

Do you know what brings you joy? What makes your heart sing and ignites your inner fire?

I have realized that for me it is witnessing transformation. I experience that joy when I see a smile dawn on someone's face, when I see a rose bush come into bloom, when I see the seasons change the landscape and when I see a client whose inner fire shows in their presence and when their business growth reflects the power that they are using to transform themselves. I connect to it though dialog, through music, through long walks, through networking, through meditation and through writing. I am privileged to have clients who are seeking to transform their professional success through personal transformation and who will let me partner with them in that process - that brings me the greatest joy of all.

So that is where I began my resolutions and goals for the new year, with a Joy List.

My Joy List:

In 2010 I will...

Make more people smile

Plant more roses

Take more walks

Play more music

Write more poetry

Reach more clients

Be more aware of the transformations that happen every minute of every day

What is on YOUR joy list? How will you ignite your fire in 2010?

"A Mini Dose of Dynamite" - a free monthly mastermind call - will launch January 20th. If you want to know more send me an email at Dixie@PureSynchrony.com.

So you say you made a resolution…

Keeping your goals from becoming a glorified to-do list.

This week we begin a new year (and a new decade) and if you are like most of the Western World you have begun making your New Year’s Resolutions. If you are a business owner and entrepreneur like nearly all of my clients and a good many of my friends you’ve also begun writing out your professional and business goals for 2010. And if you are like the “average” person you will have already “failed” to meet your goals or stick to your resolutions by the end of January 2010!

So why start?

I think it is more a question of where to start. Most people start with questions like “what do I most need to accomplish in 2010?” They may even begin with “what would I most like to make happen in 2010?” Very seldom does their goal setting process include connecting to an impelling “why.”

I’ve had clients apologize to me for having financial goals and I’ve had clients who refused to confess to having any goals that didn’t lead to financial success. And to them all I say “why?”

Yeah, why? What will change for you if you make that happen? Why do you care? Is your heart and soul engaged?

If you are in business I hope you are in business to make money. Richard Bach, author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Illusions and many more, was quoted as saying “I don't want to do business with those who don't make a profit, because they can't give the best service.”

The character Ernesto, while demonstrating Law #1 in The Go-Giver says, “will it make money is not a bad question, it’s just a bad first question.” He goes on to explain to Joe that the best first question is “will it serve.”

So here is the vital question; “how will achieving your goals serve you?”

Again, “money” isn’t a bad answer. But it is a bad first answer. Because money, in and of itself doesn’t serve. No one wants money just to have money. You want money for what it will buy, for what it says about you, for the status, for the security, for the good you can do with it, for all kinds of practical and emotional reasons. Money alone doesn’t answer the question.

Why not try starting with the joy you will gain from achieving your objectives in 2010 and reverse engineer your goals? I can hear it now, “joy, you want me to start with joy?”

Yes I do. That kind of joy that sets your soul on fire and gives your heart wings. The outcomes that make you dance a jig and turn crazy cartwheels on the landscape of your mind. THAT kind of joy.

If you cannot think of ONE thing that you could do in 2010 that would have that effect you’ve already figured out why you don’t accomplish your goals. Or if you do it is a hard, hard road with more relief and pride than true celebration at the end of it.

Am I saying that your goals should not be financial? Absolutely not! There are no “wrong” goals or “wrong” resolutions – only “wrong” reasons. What is a wrong reason? One that you have no emotional connection to - one that does not light your fire.

What would happen if you started your goal setting or resolutions by asking yourself this question? “This time next year what accomplishment(s) do I want to look back on with tears of joy and a full heart and say - I did THAT?”

Grab hold of that feeling and don’t let go. Then start asking “what has to happen in order to reach that moment, who do I need to involve, what resources will I need, what must I do FIRST?”

Those are goals you are emotionally attached to, outcomes that light you up inside. And likely they will require that you make money, and they may even make you a lot of money. But the emotion isn’t about the money, the money is just a resource and a natural outcome.

So you say, “what about S.M.A.R.T goals?” (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely for those of you who haven’t been dipped in the magic well of Organizational Development.)

Stuff and nonsense (I HEARD those gasps of horror from my colleagues) AT THIS POINT. It’s too soon to think about being reasonable. I don’t want to hear about realistic and achievable. I don’t want to hear about “should” and “can’t” (although I’ll be talking about both of those deal breakers in future posts.) Right now we’re still dreaming of the “impossible” and figuring out how to bring it within reach.

I have clients who are used to keeping five year business plans. And I have clients who never write a business plan. Either way, we don’t focus on the plan until we find the joy, the fire, the light they WANT to move toward. Only then are we are ready to write goals, plans, resolutions, create roadmaps.

Because when your “why” is clear then everything you write becomes an “I want to so I will” instead of “I should so I better put it on the list” and your goals become a sanctified “can-do” list instead of a glorified “must-do” list.

Got a burning question about something in this post? Email it to me at Dixie@PureSynchrony.com and I’ll send you a personal response.

Accountability, Responsibility and Joyful Contributions

Recently, my good friend and continual source of inspiration, Bob Burg, challenged us to reconcile a couple of well-known and generally accepted idioms.

“If it is to be it’s up to me.”

And

“No one does it alone”

So which is it? Are you Atlas with the weight of the world on your shoulders or are you part of a team effort?

Does your individual success rest on you or on your team?

Why does it have to be either/or? Let’s start with who is accountable. That one is easy, we are accountable for our actions, our behavior and our personal performance. It is up to us to take initiative, we are in the driver’s seat and that means ultimately that vehicle only goes forward when WE put it in gear and it only goes where WE steer it to go. It is up to us to do our best under any circumstances.

But that doesn’t mean we make the journey alone. We can delegate tasks that are essential to our success, we can build a team. Notice I said “delegate” not “abdicate.” We can make other people responsible for tasks by an exchange of value, hiring, outsourcing, bartering, etc… They do not take on being accountable for our success, only responsible for the tasks they take on. It is still up to us to make sure those tasks are being completed to standard and in a timely manner. So it is also up to us to surround ourselves with team members who accept responsibility and perform to our standards.

It is also up to us to surround ourselves with people who will support us in reaching our chosen destination and who will challenge us to dream of destinations we could not imagine without them. It is up to us to communicate clearly and openly, first with ourselves and then with others, about where we want to go and what we need to get there. And it is up to us to support others in their journeys as well.

Another cliche that happens to be true – “no man is an island” – we do not go through our lives in isolation. That is part of the “if it is to be” – that doesn’t just refer to our achievements but to the outcomes of the community, the society, the world!

We all have the opportunity to make joyful contributions to the journeys taking place along side of our own. We can lend a hand to a fellow traveler, or an ear or an encouraging word. Sometimes it is the joyful contributions that propel us forward the most powerfully because they are not offered from a sense of obligation; out of accountability or responsibility, but from a sense of companionship and camaraderie.

It is up to me, and up to you, and up to everyone else. We begin it, we commit to it, and we invite others to join us because “no one does it alone.”

Got a burning question about something in this post? Email it to me at Dixie@PureSynchrony.com and I’ll send you a personal response.

The Raging Holiday Debate

As we again approach the end of the year we enter into the notorious “holiday season.”

This year it seems, more than any year I remember, the debate over the appropriate holiday well wishes is front and center everywhere I look. Now maybe it has to do with where I look – Facebook groups, twitter posts, blogs… all those venues for making your opinion known without giving much thought to the statement we are making have become more prevalent and continue to take a more central role in keeping us all connected.

I think it comes down to value. Yes, really, value. If I wish someone a happy or merry anything is my intent to add value for me or for them? Well, I’ll speak for myself (and there is a comment section below for you to do speak for yourself.) My intent is to add value to them, to bring a smile, to lighten a heart, to brighten a day.

So why would I wish them anything that holds no meaning for them?

I have a somewhat unique perspective perhaps. I was raised Christian, in fact, I was raised in a Christian cult that did not celebrate the religious holidays because of their derivation from pagan rituals and traditions. Their teaching was that if you celebrating the birth, death and resurrection of Christ at all then you should celebrate it every day and not by the observance of rituals that had been modified from other religions.

How many of you gasped? What, no Christmas? Nope, and no Hanukah, and we didn’t celebrate the Winter Solstice either. But in the little Kansas town where I was raised everyone wished me a Merry Christmas and expected that I would wish them the same.

And I did, wholeheartedly.

Because it meant something to them. I sang the carols even though I wasn’t allowed to participate in rehearsals for the annual school pageant let alone in the real event, because it brought joy to people to hear them. Although I had no reference for the traditions outside of the books I read I took pleasure in their pleasure.

But what if I had been raised in a community on the West Bank? Or in Tehran? Would I have been inauthentic to offer them the greetings and well wishes that are in keeping with their traditions and the beliefs that bring them joy? Why is it inauthentic if I sincerely wish them joy on their sacred day?

In this part of our world Christians are the majority and a greeting of “Merry Christmas” will add value to many of the people we meet. But not all.

So this season, as you wish a merry, happy season to friends and strangers please ask yourself, “am I wishing them a Merry Christmas because I know it has meaning for them or only to make a statement about what has meaning for me?”

I agree you all have the right to offer your holiday greetings in any format you choose - and so does everyone else. So if you say "Merry Christmas" and they respond with "Happy Holidays" please know that their wish for you is just as sincere as your wish for them.

Let that be the value of the well wishes you give, and those you receive.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is the tolerance and respect that comes from an open and loving heart.

I wish you all a happy, merry, joyful, blessed season – this season and every other.

Thankfulness and Resolutions

As we near this time of year, our thoughts are often drawn to the things we have to be thankful for and the commitments we will make to ourselves for the upcoming year.

At least that is the way my thoughts have been turning lately, and I’m seeing those themes weaving through the status reports, blog posts and newsletter messages that come my way from friends and followers.

Recently I had a reason to ponder those two themes even more deeply – because a person whose presence in my life has been a huge blessing to me celebrated his 50^th birthday last week. Or as he put it – Gill v. 5.0 was launched.

If you’ve read my posts you’ve “met” Gill here. Gill Wagner is the founder of Yellow-Tie International, an association for people who want to go beyond networking and become true connectors in their business community. He is the founder of Honest Selling, a sales training organization dedicated to eradicating ‘sales drip” behavior from the profession of selling. Most importantly, he is a generous and insightful connector.

I could give you pages and pages on why Gill and Yellow-Tie are on my “Things I am Thankful For” list. But let me sum it up this way: I am thankful for Gill because he gives me a shining example of what is means to “give because it is who you are, it is what you do.” No wonder The Go-Giver spoke to him the way it did – those words from the book (by Bob Burg and John David Mann) describe him perfectly. He doesn’t keep score, he doesn’t hold anything back; he only asks “how can I serve?”

A perfect example is what Gill has dubbed a “be useful meeting.” Two or more people meet for no reason except to see how they can serve each other with no one writing a check. I don’t know how many of these meetings Gill has taken or how many connections have come from them or how much business has been produced because of them. But I do know that connections are always formed out of those meetings because Gill is the consummate connector.

I’ve had many reasons to be thankful for Gill’s “be useful” meetings. I’ve been on the receiving end of many introductions and referrals from those meetings. I know that there are many people throughout the United States and beyond that can say the same.

As I ponder the fast approaching 2010 and the launch of my new brand (more on that next month) it puts me in the mind of New Year’s Resolutions. Which brings me to the commitment I will make to myself. It is this; that I will plan at LEAST one “be useful meeting” of my own every single month for 2010.

If you want to celebrate the launch of “Gill v 5.0” with him have your own “be useful meeting” and let him know how it went.

You don’t need to put a ribbon on it, just email him at gwagner@honestselling.com or reach out to him online.

Twitter: http://twitter.com/honestselling

Facebook: http://facebook.com.gill.e.wagner

Linked In: http://linkedin.com/in/honestselling

And, if you want to help me meet MY commitment you can volunteer to schedule for one of my "be useful meetings" in 2010 or recommend someone for me to meet. No need to keep it local - with technology today meetings can happen through any medium. Just sent me an email at Dixie@PureSynchrony.com connect with me online and let me know why you think we can "be useful" to each other.

twitter: http://twitter.com/DixieDynamite

Facebook: http://facebook.com/DixieDynamite

Linked In: http://linkedin.com/in/dixiegillaspie

Here's hoping you had a fantastic Thanksgiving and that your "Things to be Thankful For" list keeps growing. You are all on mine!

Believing in Greatness

Last week I got to do something I had only dreamed of doing; I delivered a keynote for Build Your Own Brand, an event that showcased three of my greatest heroes, two as the featured speakers and one as the Master of Ceremonies. It was in my own city so I got to deliver to a “home crowd” – in fact, the audience included friends, fans and clients as well as local business owners and high level executives whom I had never met.

With complete latitude to present anything I wanted, I scripted a signature speech that opened with The Flaming Lips and the story of a funeral, went right through some of my own challenges and epiphanies and wrapped up with a clip from one of my favorite films. (Sounds strange I know but it all makes sense in context.) I pulled out the stops and went straight for the heart of it.

The opportunity was a dream come true but there is nothing like a dream coming true to make you recognize how closely related dreams are to nightmares. I was pumped up but I was also having the speech writer’s version of night sweats. Was rocking out to The Flaming Lips at 8:00 in the morning too in-your-face? Was the story too personal, would they be able to relate? Was the slide show too over-the-top? And most of all – would I be able to do justice to the great speakers who would follow me on the stage and to the MC who was going to be “vamping” me in front of about 100 of his friends and fans?

That’s when my heroes stepped up to make me great. As the founder of Yellow-Tie International who were sponsoring the event and as the best “vamp” I know, Gill Wagner was MCing the event. He went to great lengths to tell the world how thrilled he was that I would be presenting. One of our featured speakers, Bob Burg, author of Endless Referrals and co-author with John David Mann of The Go-Giver, came into town a couple of days early to do some media interviews and spend some time working with me. While I never asked for reassurance Bob made it clear in dozens of little ways that he had no doubt that I was going to be “dynamite”. Finally, Scott Ginsberg, our other featured speaker and author of several books including Stick Yourself Out There, went so far as to slip me a note the night before the event that said “You OWN tomorrow – I believe in you.”

Magical words aren’t they? “I BELIEVE IN YOU!”

I realized that night, reviewing my slides and cues, pacing the floor, checking my face for last minute blemishes (oh come on, you have those nightmares too) and then trying to slow my heart rate down enough to sleep (way too early for MY natural night owl’s circadian rhythms) that was exactly what all three of these wonderful friends and fantastic pros were trying to tell me – they BELIEVED in me. Not in my talent or my material, but in ME!

Once that realization blasted through my half sleeping mind dozens of faces lined up behind my “big three.” The “boys of Spoke” clients, friends and lifesavers all, Dan Klein, Brian Schwartz and David Meyer, weren’t just sponsoring the event and producing the marketing materials because it was good business – they believed in me. The same was true of my client and good friend, Bill Ellis, who not only sponsored the event but brought several guests. And it was true of my friend Ruth Binger, whose law firm was a sponsor and who personally brought several guests. I finally got it – the people who had been saying “you’re going to ROCK” weren’t just giving me a pep talk – they believed it. They believed in ME. I breathed that in, drifted off to happy dreams and woke up ready to do just that – ROCK it!

Today a Facebook post from a friend I share with Gill Wagner and Bob Burg and whom the rest of you really ought to have the pleasure of getting to know – horticulturist, musician, foot-massager and humor-lover, Heather Williamson, really brought the lesson home.

Her Facebook status today said “What if you made others greater, every day?”

She does, I’ve seen her do it. And Gill Wagner does, and Bob Burg does, and Scott Ginsberg does and all those other supporters who told me in so many ways “I believe in you” do. It’s what they all have in common – they make others greater because they believe in the greatness of others.

They embody The Go-Giver Law #4 – the law of authenticity. They really believe and they share that belief so sincerely and so freely that the people around them can’t help but be greater. What I had to learn was Law #5 – the law of receptivity. I had to learn to breathe in the gift they offered and LET it make me great.

What does this mean to you? It means you CAN make others greater, every day. You have that power. And it means you can BE greater by accepting the gift of other’s belief in you. You have that power too.

Not sure how to connect those dots? Send me an email at Dixie@PureSynchrony.com and tell me your greatest challenge with making others greater or letting others bring out your greatness. That’s right, send me an email and I’ll send you my thoughts. It’s that simple – it’s the least I can do.

The Power of Play (What I learned from kids at St. Jude's today)

Today I rode down to Memphis with my friend, Tammy, and her 8 year old son, Robbie. In October of last year the doctors removed a lump from Robbie's leg. After considerable amount of time and consernation on the part of many top doctors at Johns Hopkins and elsewhere he was diagnosed with a rare form of NK Lymphoma, one that has characterists of luekemia as well. Early last year he began an aggressive treatment plan that involved intense chemotherapy for 146 weeks and monthly trips to Memphis for treatment at St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. I am writing this post from the St. Jude's campus.

So today I watched while child after child checked in here with their families. Some are in wheelchairs, some are bald, some are sporting bandages, but very few were crying or fussy. Kids take their lives as they come and they play and take what joy is available to them regardless.

Robbie knows what he is facing. But even knowing what this trip holds, Robbie has joked around, giggled, watched movies, rocked out to Queen in the car, agreed to go out to Huey's for dinner even though he was tired because Tammy told him I might not want to eat pizza in the room (I think SHE didn't want to) and while he has had a few breakdowns he has mostly just been a kid. He has a light saber he takes everywhere (well not to dinner but everywhere else) and he still has a skip in his step.

But he showed me his favorite piece of art - a stormy abstract that says "Who am I? I am not my illness" and he understands exactly what that means. I'm watching kids who have had to ask the question "am I going to die" and have had to face the answer and they still play. I'm watching the parents who have had to field that question who are managing to play with them, and to discipline them when necessary, knowing they could lose them sooner rather than later. I am listening to the stories of the other children they have known here and which ones I will meet tomorrow and which ones have finished treatment and which ones have "earned their angel wings".

And I am thinking of the perspective this offers us all. Not "it could be worse, who am I to complain" but a reminder that life is short for all of us and we all have hardships, but it is meant to be experienced and we are meant to play! We don't know what lies ahead and we can't change what is behind us. But here, in this moment, we can choose to play and experience joy. There won't be a better time than now!

What Lights Your Fire?

Do you ever ask yourself why some people seem to burn more brightly, stay fired up longer, bounce back faster, accomplish more and have more fun doing it? Like the bush that burned but was not consumed, they seem to burn the candle at both ends and come back shining brighter than ever before.

Let me guess, you’re thinking “those are the people who are really passionate”, right? I would agree the “fire” begins with passion, the wellspring of energy. In a previous post about tapping into that wellspring and understanding passion I explored the connection between passion and joy and suffering.

But at the end of the day what keeps your fire burning? What is the fuel? What gives it shape and direction?

Let’s try this one; Purpose.

From Latin, “pro” before or in front of and “posse” to put or place. Literally then “to place in front of”.

1. The object toward which one strives or for which something exists
2. The reason for which anything is done, created or exists
3. A fixed design or idea that is the object of an action

Conclusion; achieving your purpose requires that you understand your objective or reason and combine it with action or creation.

What do you place before anything else? What objective do you have for striving or creating or taking action? For that matter, what is your reason for being – for continuing to get up every morning and tackle another day? What is your why?

I’ve observed a lot of powerful people who are accomplishing great things (many of them are unsung angels but they still wield a lot of power for good) and the thing I believe they have in common is that they are living their purpose. Whether they have spelled it out in a mission statement or not the consistency with which they create and take action spells it out for them. They burn brighter, stay fired up longer and bounce back faster than your average angel.

About two years ago I started wrestling with creating my purpose statement. It has gone through several transformations and with each revision it resonated a little deeper and a little stronger. Today it acts as my blueprint against which I measure the things I create and the actions I take. I don’t always measure up, but when I do I too burn brighter, stay fired up longer and bounce back faster. I’m no angel – but I’m working on being the best version of my human self possible.

Here is my purpose:

First – To see the world become more connected; with their inner voices, with their best selves, with each other and with their world.
Second – To see people encouraged and empowered to define and pursue success in their own unique way.
Third – To help people stop saying “I can’t” or “you can’t” and begin saying “how can I” and “how can I help you make that happen.”

May your fire burn brightly and forever and may you always honor the fire that burns in every unique individual.