That's How the Light Gets In (and out)

Robert Merton, who is credited with coining the phrase "self-fulfilling prophecy" said "The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves."

Isn't that how we all wish to be loved? Not perfectly as someone we are trying to be, not perfectly as an ideal, but perfectly as what WE were designed to be. Webster's offers this definition of perfect - "being complete of its kind without defect or blemish." Call me an idealist, but I do believe that each and every person is complete in their unique perfection and that personal perfection is something we allow in ourselves, not something we strive toward. Because we are all complete "of our kind" - there IS no one like us!

I will bet that your mind went one of two places - you are either thinking of the people you wish could love you as perfectly YOURSELF or you are thinking of the people you love and asking yourself if you are loving them as perfectly THEMSELVES.

But what about how you love yourself?

Are you able to love yourself as the perfect being you ARE?

Ah, I heard that. The little whisper that says "but I am NOT a perfect being, far from it."

In Leonard Cohen's "Anthem" there is a line that says "Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything - that's how the light gets in."

Then there is the story told to me by friend, peace advocate and proponent of radical trust, Annette Karr, about an athlete who was diagnosed with cancer and had to have a leg amputated above the knee. He spent his recovery time at a cancer center where they offered psychiatric therapy as part of the post-treatment care and the first time he saw the therapist she asked him to draw a picture to represent himself. He drew a crude vase with jagged lines crossing it. When the therapist asked what the lines represented he told her those were cracks - he said he had once been a perfect vessel, but now he was irreparably flawed.

Time went on and this man began to heal. He took an interest in other patients, helped with their ongoing recoveries and even met and married another patient at the center. Some time later he visited with the therapist again. She asked him again to draw a picture. He drew the same crude vase and the same jagged cracks, but this time he drew lines radiating from the cracks. When the therapist asked what they represented he said, "that is the light that pours out of me, it could not be shared before because I was too perfect."

Does the light get in or does it pour out?

Yes, it does - both.

But only when we love ourselves as perfectly ourselves; when we accept our "cracks" as the blessings that they are.

Mister, Do You Pray?

I don’t know what the weather was like in your part of the world last night, but here in St. Louis it rained.

That is an understatement – it blew water out of the sky so hard and fast that, looking out the big front window of Sub Zero Vodka Bar, you just saw sheets of silver moving horizontal to the sidewalk.

Thank goodness I was in good company, the aftermath of a “tweetup” of St. Louis folks who use twitter to make connections - yes we do occasionally prefer to see each other in person - so I decided just to sit it out. But driving home an hour or so later in the still gusting winds I was reminded of why my father refused to fly if he had the option of driving.

It seems that he was traveling in a company plane during similar weather conditions. Just him and the pilot, circling above the landing field, unable to land because of the wind and running out of fuel. The way my father tells the story, the pilot turned to him and said, “Mister, do you pray?” Of course, the way my father tells the story, he not only knew how, he’d been praying constantly and fervently for some time. But due to that experience, I traveled to most of the 50 states before I was 18 but never had the opportunity to fly until I was 23 years old.

Now it isn’t important to me what you call your act of prayer. Think of it as time spent in mentally, emotionally and yes, spiritually, focusing on desired outcomes and appreciation for the blessings and privileges you have. It might be your meditation time, your dream time, your future journaling time, or your religious time. It might be directed at an outside force, it might be internally focused. But it is time you are giving 110% to the forces that shape your life and your future.

When do you engage in that activity? Every day, once in a while when you have time, or only in times of crisis? You’ll notice that pilot didn’t ask “can you pray?” or “will you pray?” He was looking for someone who did it on a regular basis because that’s what it takes to get results.

Right now we’re looking at the economic future - certainly there are other problems, but let’s just stick with topic of the day – and we see the equivalent of gale force winds and torrential rains. It’s blowing a lot of people off course. It’s easy to lose sight of your destination and become focused strictly on survival.

I contend it will be those people who “pray” who will still be aloft when the sun comes out. The people who have created a practice of focusing on outcomes and giving thanks for blessings. And more than that, the people who have created a fellowship of people who “pray” with them, who give them encouragement and keep them firmly on course.

Because those people will continue to fly, they’ll keep moving toward their destination regardless of the weather and, when the weather dictates a little time out, they’ll be surrounded by good company with whom they can sit out the worst of the gale until they’re ready to take flight again.

What storm has made you afraid to fly?

Who’s on your flight team?

What are you doing to build a practice of strong “prayer” of a focus so powerful that nothing can blow you off course?

Want some tips for creating that practice in your life and career? Send me an email at dixie@puresynchrony.com and I’ll send you a list of 25 elements of creating a “storm proof” flight plan.

Roadblocks, Speed Bumps and Stepping Stones

So you’re barreling down the Career Super Highway and, oops, what is that you see on your horizon? A roadblock? A speed bump? A warning sign? A detour? Or maybe just a helpful stepping stone to bridge your way between where you are and where you want to go?

We’ve all had those days, sometimes they turn into weeks, when every step we take seems to lead to one more roadblock. We make plans, they fall through. We set goals and something gets in the way. We worry about things like the stock market, the job market, the farmer’s market and the price of eggs in China. (Okay, I just made those last two up but ‘I’ll bet someone somewhere is worried about them.)

So how do you handle mysterious things that get in your path? Do you come to a screeching halt and think “I’m safe where I am so maybe I’ll just pull over right here and hang tight until that thing goes away”? That’s what I’m seeing a lot of individuals and companies trying to do right now; hunker down, ride it out, wait and see. Well that’s a sure way to stall your career or your business but it is not a sure way to still have a career or business next year or even next month.

Or do you think “well it’s going to be rough so I’d better just step on the gas and try to get ahead of the pack”? Determination is a wonderful attribute but if it really was a roadblock you can do a lot of damage when you hit it and there just may have been a reason it was there.

Or maybe you are a true navigator, you get out your map, your spyglass and your compass and take stock of the situation. You consult with your team and the experts. You know that the thing on your horizon might be a brick wall but it might also be an opportunity. It might mean a detour, but the detour might take you somewhere you needed to go and would have never visited if your way hadn’t been blocked. It’s all a matter of perspective.

The economy is shifting the market. Maybe this is the ideal time to explore new markets, add new services and focus on convenience and customer service.
You just lost a key team member. Maybe this is the ideal time to restructure your strategy, evaluate your remaining team members, train new talent, reassign responsibilities, promote someone who has long deserved the chance to prove themselves. Team building is more than just hiring to replace a terminating employee, it's getting the right people in the right positions and giving them the resources to grow.
Advertising dollars are tight. Maybe now is the time to consider new tactics, try a guerrilla approach, create advertising alliances with complimentary businesses, explore email and text to get your message to your market, do something none of your competitors are doing, hone your message and carve a deeper niche.

Not to be too Pollyannaish, but most set backs also represent opportunities. And the people who have the perspective and perseverance to find the opportunities are the ones who create so much wealth and happiness we often look them and think “wow, how did she get so lucky?” We create our own luck, in the choices we make, the people we surround ourselves with, the resources we tap into, the beliefs we allow to rule our thoughts and our decisions. How we create success out of crisis is part of our mental and emotional programming and ultimately we control that. Crisis doesn’t make or break a person; it reveals their inner strength and vision.

Or to quote Scottish writer Allan K. Chalmers, “Crises redefine life. In them you discover who you are.” Follow that with a quote from another wise man, Epictetus, who said, “First say to yourself what you would be; then do what you have to do.”

Okay, so there’s a bump in the road on your horizon, who will you be and what will you do?

Overcoming Programmed Responses - Or How to Not Lead With Your Knee

Since when does our mental/emotional programming affect our knees? Well, think about what we often refer to as a “knee jerk reaction” – that “no-time-to-involve-the-reasoning-mind” response that we often fall back on when we are cornered, pressured, stressed, attacked or when we even think that we are any of those things.

Knee jerk reactions are the human equivalent of “if then” statements in our programming. Our experience tells us “if someone says or does _____________ then it means _________ and you should immediately do __________ about it.”

Those reactions are based on programming that was entered by SOMEONE ELSE in some other situation. They are one of the reasons we repeat patterns – we experienced that pattern once and, even though we didn’t like the outcome, we learned that one thing will lead to another and we react accordingly. Like driving the same route every day and having one point where two lanes merge into one – at one time, or maybe two times, the car in the other lane zoomed up and tried to cut in front of you. You think “CHEATER, the nerve of that guy” and so from that point on you speed up at that point to keep anyone from cutting in. The road gods had better be watching over any poor out-of-towner who realizes at the last moment his lane is ending and tries to get in front of you, he’s likely to lose his bumper at the very least.

If you want to be in control of your future and break the patterns that don’t move you closer to your goals you have to recognize the programming and when it does not apply to new data and new situations. You have to become aware of when you are repeating patterns, when your responses are based, not on the current situation, but on expectations that were established during another situation which may, or may not, apply. So when you have a knee jerk response you want to ask “is this an old program trying to run or is this a valid response to the situation?” Another good question is “is there another way to look at this?”

The ultimate question is “what response can I make that will resolve this conflict in a way that is most beneficial for ALL parties?” Even though that resolution may not provide as much emotional satisfaction in the short run, it will earn you tremendous kudos in the long run for grace under pressure, for acting with integrity, for being equitable and for being the “bigger man” regardless of your gender. I’ll bet you’ll even like yourself a little better when you lead with your heart and mind, not your knees.