Energy-Synergy-Harmony

Finding Stillness Through Staying Fluid

2010-03-28T19:09:00.008-05:00

As biological creatures we are always in a state of change. Our cells turn over, our viewpoints adjust to accommodate new data, our expressions become colored with idioms as words take on new cultural implications - we change internally and in response to external stimuli.

Sometimes we feel like everything is in a state of flux and we are tempted to shout "stop the world, I want to get off." We want to just be still, to take a break from change.

Have you ever tried to be perfectly motionless?

In yoga practice it is often suggested that we "find our way to stillness." Even in the simplest poses, finding your way to stillness requires subtle adjustments to the posture. The body says "flex this, shift that" and if we ignore those requests for movement we will experience pain or we will fall out of the pose. Ignoring the need to make adjustments creates traumatic alternations.

So we heed these suggestions, make those minute modifications, but even when we come to a place where we can be still our bodies are not motionless. Our chests rise and fall with our breathing. Our gaze may be soft and steady on a distant or internal focus point, but our eyes still move slightly in their sockets. Our hearts still beat and our blood still flows. Only in death are we completely without motion.

And when we have brought ourselves to stillness, to the closest state to motionless that a living organism can create, it is a temporary state. The time will come for movement. It will either be a mindful, controlled release of the pose and a flowing into the next posture or a collapse as the body demands that its need for motion be fulfilled.

I have observed that it is much the same in our lives and in our businesses - which are, of course, only one aspect of our lives.

How often, when a traumatic shift happens, is it because you resisted making the more subtle adjustments when they were requested? How often have you avoided change, discounted the signs that you were becoming uncomfortable, even weak, and stubbornly held to your patterns and beliefs only to have them fail you in the end?

We strive to find our way to stillness, to find a place and pattern that suits us, that feels natural, right, even easy. Then, all too often, we ignore the signs that the time has come to shift. We hold that place through the little discomforts. We discount the strain, the weariness, even the weakness while we stubbornly hold to the pose.

As time goes by, we begin to believe that the sensations of discomfort and weakness are our own shortcomings. That pose felt so right when we first discovered it, surely if it doesn't feel right now we must be doing something wrong. We continue striving to "be still."

Inevitably we "fail" to hold the pose. Sometimes the collapse is dramatic and sometimes we use our last vestige of control to release ourselves from that rigidity. But we are worn out from the effort, we are robbed of the energy to move into our next position.

We are programmed to fear both change and failure. But denying change ensures failure.

In yoga, we stay fluid even in stillness by staying connected to our core strength and being aware of what our bodies are telling us. That connection is the consistent "sameness" or foundation that supports us whether we are holding one pose or transitioning to a new one. We may come back to a pose many times but we know it is never exactly the same because we have changed.

In life we can find the security and dependability we seek; that "stillness," by staying connected and self aware. Being true to our values and our personal truths adds to the stillness. Being true to our core competencies adds to the stillness. Those connections keep us rooted no matter how much in flux everything else appears to be. Any changes or choices that pull us away from those values, truths and competencies will pull us off balance. But, so long as we stay rooted, we can move fluidly from one "pose" to the next with strength, flexibility and confidence that we will not fall.

That's How the Light Gets In (and out)

2010-02-17T16:52:00.006-06:00

Robert Merton, who is credited with coining the phrase "self-fulfilling prophecy" said "The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves."

Isn't that how we all wish to be loved? Not perfectly as someone we are trying to be, not perfectly as an ideal, but perfectly as what WE were designed to be. Webster's offers this definition of perfect - "being complete of its kind without defect or blemish." Call me an idealist, but I do believe that each and every person is complete in their unique perfection and that personal perfection is something we allow in ourselves, not something we strive toward. Because we are all complete "of our kind" - there IS no one like us!

I will bet that your mind went one of two places - you are either thinking of the people you wish could love you as perfectly YOURSELF or you are thinking of the people you love and asking yourself if you are loving them as perfectly THEMSELVES.

But what about how you love yourself?

Are you able to love yourself as the perfect being you ARE?

Ah, I heard that. The little whisper that says "but I am NOT a perfect being, far from it."

In Leonard Cohen's "Anthem" there is a line that says "Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything - that's how the light gets in."

Then there is the story told to me by friend, peace advocate and proponent of radical trust, Annette Karr, about an athlete who was diagnosed with cancer and had to have a leg amputated above the knee. He spent his recovery time at a cancer center where they offered psychiatric therapy as part of the post-treatment care and the first time he saw the therapist she asked him to draw a picture to represent himself. He drew a crude vase with jagged lines crossing it. When the therapist asked what the lines represented he told her those were cracks - he said he had once been a perfect vessel, but now he was irreparably flawed.

Time went on and this man began to heal. He took an interest in other patients, helped with their ongoing recoveries and even met and married another patient at the center. Some time later he visited with the therapist again. She asked him again to draw a picture. He drew the same crude vase and the same jagged cracks, but this time he drew lines radiating from the cracks. When the therapist asked what they represented he said, "that is the light that pours out of me, it could not be shared before because I was too perfect."

Does the light get in or does it pour out?

Yes, it does - both.

But only when we love ourselves as perfectly ourselves; when we accept our "cracks" as the blessings that they are.

A Classic Example of Go-Givers Sell More

2010-02-16T11:30:00.011-06:00

I'm interrupting my "normal programming" to bring you some time-sensitive news and opportunities. I'll post the rest of my thoughts on love and business tomorrow - I promise!

In the two years I have been coaching and teaching the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success from The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann the most common comment I hear is "that book made me cry, it is EXACTLY how I want to live and do business."

The next thing I usually hear is "I am ALREADY a Go-Giver but... I guess stratospheric success just takes time, huh?"

No, it doesn't just take time. It does, however, take more than giving. Here is what I DO know - being a giver is NOT the same as being a GO-GIVER and it won't get the same results. There are Five Laws in what the character, Pindar, calls his "Trade Secret" because all five are equally important. I am going to use my friend and one of my heroes, Dafna Michaelson, as a classic example of the Five Laws in action. I've included some hints from my coaching program so you can follow her example and see what stratospheric success comes YOUR way!

In 2008 Dafna, who has been in community service and non-profit work nearly all of her adult life, realized that where the government was not providing solutions to community problems there were individuals stepping up all over the country and working at the grass roots level to create solutions. She wanted to document these stories, get some recognition for the community problem solvers and, ultimately, figure out the common ground that would bring their efforts together to strengthen and support them. She left her job, cashed in her 401K - that's right, all of it - and made a commitment; to travel to all of the 50 states in 52 weeks and share the stories of the heroes she encountered through video and blog posts.

She did it. Her 50 in 52 Journey took her all over the nation, but, on December 31, 2009 Dafna celebrated in her home state of Colorado the videos collected from a year of travel. A year of sleeping on the couches of strangers, depending on a GPS sister she lovingly called "Betty" to get her through strange cities and countrysides, having her two kids with her when she was home in Denver and traveling when they were scheduled to be with their father anyway. Her life become an amalgam of the lives she encountered. Her voice became a chorus of "we DID this and we CAN do more" stories from all over the nation.

If there is anything that is hard to sell it is an idea. Well maybe there is one thing that is harder - an idea for how to solve a problem that seems too big to be solved. NO - there is one thing harder that that - an idea that gives the people the power to solve any problem they choose. Yeah - I'd say that one is hard to sell. It's BIG for one thing, the scope is mind boggling. If the scope doesn't blow your mind then the details will. But Dafna has more than an idea - she has a plan and she IS selling it. That is where The Go-Giver and the new book (launching TOMORROW but rumor has it it CAN be found today) Go-Givers Sell More come in.

Today, Dafna was listed in CNN's list of Intriguing People (right after Neda, the young lady whose death became a rallying cry for the Iranian resistance and William Ward Warren, the 15 year old whose COLOR footage of JFK's arrival in Dallas only an hour before his death made news in a time when even seasoned professionals were shooting in black and white.)

Dafna came to the attention of CNN after her 50in52 Journey was documented by CBS Morning News under "Good Deeds Across America." Not only did they follow Dafna on her interviews in the state of Arizona but also interviewed several of the people she had interviewed previously.

Before her story was picked up by national media she was interviewed by several regional programs, including St. Louis' own David Garland on his show The Rise to the Top and Kyle Dyer at 9 News, the NBC affiliate for the Denver area.

Her vision, The Journey Institute, was not only accepted into the Pepsi Refresh Project's Good Idea contest (out of thousands of entries) but has held steady at between 35 and 40th in the rankings after the first two weeks in a field of about 800 contestants. IF this vision pulls into the top first or second spot The Journey Institute will be given $250,000 in funding from Pepsi. (Use the link above if you will to vote daily and boost her ranking.)

How has Dafna managed to generate this exposure, this success and this momentum? It isn't through a powerhouse PR firm. It isn't through friends in high places or high dollar charity dinners. In fact, Dafna has demonstrated how the Five Laws, when applied together to a business idea, results in greater sales - even of an idea too big for most of us to grasp.

Law #1 - The Law of Value

Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.

This is not the counter productive suggestion it might seem to be. Value is conceptual and individual. Your worth to your market will always be what they get OUT of your product or service, NOT the cost that they pay for it or the cost to you to provide it. Dafna's journey and the resulting stories she captured might have little resale value, but for the price of a little time or a donation we get the VALUE of being a part of something much larger than ourselves.

QUESTION: What are you doing consistently as part of your business model that delivers something of value to your market that is more than they expect or pay for?

Law #2 - The Law of Compensation

Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.

Never mind what you are worth - how much money you make depends on your reach and your impact. Will a few people pay you to have a tremendous amount of impact, will a lot of people pay you to have a little bit of impact or will a lot of people pay you to have a tremendous amount of impact? While Dafna may not be taking her compensation in direct salary, the amount of funds she garners to fuel her vision is directly related to reach and impact. The Journey Institute meets both of those challenges head on. Bringing together people from different areas who are working to solve a common problem and equipping them to return to their communities with not only ideas but shared resources and support systems means that everything the Institute does has a ripple effect. Those community problem solvers can now create solutions AND more problem solvers - and so on, and on, and on.

QUESTION: What are you doing as part of your business model that allows you to have greater reach and impact? (I'll give you a clue - this law comes down to the three-legged stool of innovation, replication and delegation.)

Law #3 - The Law of Influence

Your influence is determined by how abundantly you put other people's interests first.

When was the last time you needed to make something happen and you thought "who can I call?" How many people were on that list? That's influence. It doesn't come from a tit for tat cashing in the chips mentality - if you're working on that model I don't want to hear you crying when you've run out of chips to cash in. It comes from abundantly and consistently thinking of others and taking care of them whenever you can.

Dafna and I connected because I saw a tweet (what we twitterholics call a status update on twitter) from Terry Bean, whom I knew, liked and trusted but only through social media (we met on Facebook through a mutual friend) saying that Dafna (whom I'd never heard of at that point) needed to meet people who were active in social media in the Chicago area. I checked out her blog, fell in love with the vision and connected her to my friends Gilbert Melot and Brian Tomkins whom I had met through Extreme Business Makeovers and their project, The Go-Giver Tour. Dafna impressed Terry with her "other-focused" mentality and she benefited from my knowing other people who had influence because they also live and breathe the Go-Giver philosophy. That resulted in some great press in Chicago and, when Dafna traveled to St. Louis, resulted not only in her feature on The Rise to the Top and a spot on the panel for the St. Louis Social Media Club, but I also had the fun of hosting Dafna during her stay and finding out I have yet another sister I had yet to meet.

QUESTION: What are you doing in your business model that keeps you tuned in to the interests of the people you serve, be they clients, vendors, associates, affiliates or your community?

Law #4 - The Law of Authenticity

The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

No matter what you sell, the experience people have will be determined by how they experience you - and more importantly - how they experience themselves because of you. Dafna gives herself wholeheartedly and unreservedly. Every interview has hours of research and thought behind it, that is her "job." But the connection and rapport she develops during the interview is a result of her complete focus on the person in front of the camera, not of her preparation or skill behind the camera. Her hours of posting on social networks and keeping up with the relationships she has developed all over the country shows a heart that has room for everyone and willingness to share her heart with the world. In my keynote What is YOUR Light, Connecting Passion, Purpose and Presence, I ask the question "What do you do that keeps people coming back for more of you?" Dafna demonstrates it perfectly and with grace; she makes everyone love themselves just a little bit more.

QUESTION: What are you doing to bring YOU into every encounter you have in your business and make people come back for more of YOU?

Law #5 - The Law of Receptivity

The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

Well duh, we give in order to receive, right? That's how stratospheric success happens. Nope, exactly the opposite. We give with no attachment to a particular outcome and we stay OPEN to receiving and guess what - we end up receiving far more than we would have expected if we HAD been expecting something in return. I'll grant you it is perhaps easier to be open to receiving when you are a non-profit vision rather than a for-profit business. In order to accomplish her goal, Dafna HAD to be open to receiving everything from introductions, meals and advice to cash and checks and credit cards. She receives with gratitude, knowing that the works she does serves and serves well. But unless you cannot say that what you do serves and serves well (and if you can't say that then let me recommend a few other books you might want to read) then why would you not be open to receiving?

QUESTION: How can you be open to receiving without being emotionally attached to an outcome of receiving in direct relationship to what you have given?

There you have it - a classic example of a business model and entrepreneur who is demonstrating that Go-Givers DO sell more. Even when what she is selling is an idea so large and so powerful and so unprecedented that we can't quite see it for ourselves.

If you are ready to master the Five Laws to sell your ideas, your products, your services and yourself you'll want the books (order Go-Givers Sell More this week and you'll have some extras coming that you can't get anywhere else and won't want to miss.)

If you want to apply Law #3 and Law #4 you can give just a few seconds every day between now and February 28th to help boost the Journey Institute to first place in the Pepsi Refresh Project which will give Dafna $250,000 in funding to make this vision a reality!

If you want to peek in on my chats with Dafna we did a blog post together literally through chat - gmail chat to be precise - about the power of connectivity and my interview with her during her St. Louis visit (with the arch in the background thanks to being graciously hosted by Armstrong Teasdale) truly captures the me I hope to live up to someday. I've embedded it below.

If you want to BE a Go-Giver and achieve whatever stratospheric success means to you then please, don't just focus on giving, don't just focus on receiving, learn to apply all five laws in everything you do - THAT is the true "Trade Secret."

Show Me the LOVE (and I'll be your friend for life)

2010-02-14T13:45:00.000-06:00

This post has been bubbling on my back burner for a while and Valentine's Day seemed like an appropriate time to serve it up. It's dedicated to everyone who has made me feel worthy of love - from the lady at the dry cleaners who always remembers my name even though I NEVER pronounce hers correctly to my clients and dearest friends, many of whom are one and the same people. I am grateful for the"perfect" version of myself you reflect back to me.

I'm no expert on love. Believe me, I am as frequently and as completely baffled as any of you.

I love to read ABOUT love - from Rumi to Edna St. Vincent Millay, I've read the poets' interpretations of love. But I'd never really thought about how it related to business until I crafted a keynote for Yellow-Tie International's Build Your Own Brand event with Bob Burg and Scott Ginsberg. One of the questions I posed in that presentation was "what brings people back for more of YOU?"

Not more of your services or products but more of YOU.

Without exception, the answer lies in how you made them feel about themselves, not in how you made them feel about you. Did you make them feel smart, appreciated, beautiful, welcome, validated? In short, did you make them love themselves a little more than they did before they engaged with you?

Do you help people fall in love with themselves?

Because anyone who loves themselves even a little more because of spending time with you, doing business with you, having a conversation with you - that person is your fan for life. They will always love you because you helped them love themselves.

How in the world do you get someone else to love themselves more? Reflect to them the things you see in them that are worthy of love. When they feel genuinely appreciated, welcomed, respected or admired they feel like the little tomcat in the picture seeing the mighty lion in the mirror, they love what is reflected back to them.

What do people see when they look at you? Do they see only you, or do they see themselves reflected in your eyes?

How do you begin reflecting love? First, you have to be focused on them. What authors Bob Burg and John David Mann in The Go-Giver and the follow up book Go-Givers Sell More call "other-focused." You can't reflect anything back to someone else if you are only focused on yourself, your services, or your products. Second, it has to be genuine. Empty flattery might get you somewhere, but it won't get you a friend or a client for life. That's right, you have to focus on the other person and find them worthy of love.

Robert Merton, who is credited with coining the phrase "self-fulfilling prophecy" said "The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves."

Love that does not begin with allowing others to be perfectly themselves is conditional love at best. No one wants to be loved conditionally - that kind of love is a barter agreement that says "so long as you are/do/say THIS then I will love you." That won't bring clients back for more of you. (It doesn't do much for personal relationships either but that is NOT my area of expertise - see the opening sentence.)

Only by allowing and reflecting the other's "personal perfection" can we help them to love themselves a little more. Only by treating them as the "complete and without defect or blemish" individuals that they truly are can we show them the "lion in the mirror."

I have a number of people I turn to when I need to be reminded of the powerful lioness hidden in my kitty cat soul. Some are friends, some are people with whom I do business, many are both. They know I have my faults, but they remind me that every one of my faults is also a strength and that I am, in fact, perfectly myself.

I have a couple of stories I want to share about loving our faults but I think that will have to wait for the next post.

For today (or any day) go reflect love back to the special people in your life. Whether they are your clients, your friends, your family or your special someone, show them how much you appreciate, respect, admire and welcome them just for being who they are. And check back here tomorrow for more thoughts on love to start your week.

Who's Got Your Happy?

2010-01-18T11:42:00.010-06:00

Any time a theme presents itself through multiple converstaions on multiple occasions over a short period of time I figure it’s either a universal element in the human experience or I have become sensitive to it because there is a lesson there I need to learn.

Yeah – you’re right. It’s probably both. So some examples…

A friend’s partner of three years said “I’m not happy and I think that means I don’t love you anymore so I need you to move out.”
Another friend said to me “I’m so depressed, I just can’t seem to make my wife happy no matter what I do.”
A casual acquaintance said to me “For me to be happy at work my boss would have to…”
A client said "I want to have more clients that make me happy."

The list goes on…

And then while I was reading Richard Bach’s Illusions for the umpteenth time (give or take a few) I read what the protégée of the story says, quite unaware of the significance of his observation, to his mentor;

“If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.”

How often have you said - or at least thought - "When YOU do that it makes ME really unhappy?" Or "If YOU would only ________ it would make ME so happy."

How many people's "happy" do you hold in your hands? Who's holding on to yours?

In my inspection of my own attitudes about happiness I made a list of things that make me "unhappy" - that rob me of my happiness. And I realized that the emotion I often called "happy" wasn't happiness at all and the things I believed made me unhappy only marred my joy for as long as I allowed them to do so but they did not prevent me from connecting to the source of my "happy."

So what is that thing we call happiness? Since we all know that "happy" people are more successful in love and business and even tend to live longer lives it seems like a relevant question.

Most people who know me probably think I'm ALWAYS upbeat, positive, optimistic - in a word, "happy." Let me debunk that myth right now. I'm an intense person - when I am NOT upbeat, positive and optimistic I could have Pollyanna preparing for Armegeddon. But those things don't equate to "happy" and not being upbeat, positive and optimistic doesn't mean I'm UNhappy.

As with most every other "truth", I believe everyone has to figure out their own personal truth about "happy." I'll share what I discovered about mine, maybe it will help someone else discover their own.

"Happy" for me is more than an attitude. It is a state of being - something that transcends my current circumstances or situation. Knowing that doesn't automatically mean "now I'm going to be happy all the time for no reason at all."

It does mean that I can choose to tap into my "happy" (the most common definition, by the way, is "marked by joy or pleasure") even when I am experiencing a host of negative emotions.

I might be in a situation that keeps me from being fulfilled, I might experience an illness that keeps me from being productive, I might have failed to meet my own expectations - so I might be feeling unfulfilled, sick, unproductive and like a failure. I might have even more severe challenges, loss of my physical freedom, loss of the freedom to express myself honestly - things that strike at the essense of my ability to BE myself. But that only means there are circumstances I am not happy ABOUT - not that I, at my core and as a whole being, am not "HAPPY" - so long as I can experience joy and pleasure I can be happy.

And that "happy" can give me the strength, conviction and courage to address the things I'm unhappy ABOUT.

The next time you say to yourself "If ______ would ________ then I would be happy" ask yourself - "really - don't I really mean that I would be happiER?"

It's likely that having that person give you recognition, affection, attention, help in the kitchen, cooperation on a project, etc... would ADD to your pleasure and joy. That being healthier, slimmer, having more free time, etc... would ADD to your pleasure and joy.

Even situations that restrict your ability to BE yourself - a client, boss, lover, spouse or friend who disapproves of you when you are being your most natural self or who does not recognize your interests or needs in the relationship - YOU are still the one choosing to continue the relationship. If you have exhausted all measures to create equity in the relationship then your only option may be to end it and that is often painful for emotional and/or financial reasons. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide if the restrictions you have allowed that person to place on you cause more pain than it would cause you to transition out of the relationship. YOU are the only person who can make that choice and take that step.

But when you say "I would be happy if..." you are sending yourself a message that you CANNOT be happy until that happens. The unhappiness you choose when you choose that statement robs you of the wherewithal to make that thing come about whether it requires impacting another life, changing your home or work environment, making different decisions about how you spend your time and energy or improving or even leaving a relationship.

No one is holding your "happy" hostage except you.

Of course, as with any truth, the converse is true as well. You can certainly do things to make others happiER but you cannot make them happy if they are not. You might be the source of dissatisfaction, discomfort and even unfulfillment. You MIGHT even be putting up barriers to their being their true selves, doing and being what they are most joyful doing and being - I hope not, but I've been guilty of that in relationships and I think most of us can do that to others without being aware of it. But you do NOT hold their "happy" in your hands.

You have the opportunity to add MORE joy to your life (and believe me that WILL be reflected in your business success) and you have the wonderful opportunity to add MORE joy to the lives of others (and THAT will be reflected in your business sucess as well.) It may require effort (sometimes known as "work") but if the outcome is truly joy then it won't seem like drudgery. Tapping into your "happy" can transform a task or situation you do not enjoy into an outcome and an experience that will lift your spirits for the rest of your life.

Certainly I enourage you to explore the things you aren't happy ABOUT and the things that bring you joy (see the last three posts here.) But know that your source of "happy" is INTERNAL - looking to EXTERNAL sources for it or trying to BE the source of "happy" for someone else is like looking for seashells in the forrest - it will only lead to frustration, bitterness and failure.

So go for the JOY, add to your "happy" and the "happy" of others. But first connect to that fire within you that holds the seeds of your happiness and CHOOSE to BE happy so long as that fire is even an ember.

Transforming Your Business by Indulging in Joy

2010-01-04T14:30:00.016-06:00

"Indulge"

- isn't that a marvelous word? It's right up there with "transform" and "connect" on my list of favorite verbs.

As we embark on the new year I hear people say "this year I'm going to work more ON my business not IN my business" and "this is my year to work ON me" and "this year I'm going to work on being more..." and even I refer to my best clients as the ones who come to me ready to "do the work." Clearly we believe that transformations happen because we work to make them possible.

So am I saying we can enjoy every moment - maybe not. I'm probably never going to enjoy some tasks but I still experience joy in the outcomes. And that joy lights my fire and powers my action which leads to outcomes.

So why do we focus on the work? Why don't we focus instead on the joy that effort produces?

I have repeatedly seen that people who focus on the joy in the outcome rather than the task or the goal consistently transform themselves and their businesses. Ask them if it was work and they'll likely say "sure it took EFFORT - but it brought me a lot of joy."

So I can bet you want to know how.... Let me give you an example. In my last post I shared MY Joy List.

In 2010 I will...

Make more people smile
Plant more roses
Take more walks
Play more music
Reach more clients
Be more aware of the transformations that happen every minute of every day

It's pretty clear that "reach more clients" is an outcome that can transform my business. And since I"m a "transformation agent" being more aware of transformations also has a huge impact on my ability to open those paths to clients as well.

But what about "make more people smile?" Isn't that just a "random act of kindness" kind of thing?

Well, I don't think of making people smile as a business strategy, BUT I do have business strategies that bring me joy because they make people smile. Let me share one that the author's of The Go-Giver just shared for the new year.

I have so many true Go-Givers in my life and I'll bet you do to. They smile when I tell them how much I appreciate that they live those principles but they smile even bigger and longer when I recognize their Go-Giver nature to the world. With The Go-Giver Award I can do just that - make someone smile every single day AND let the world know how much I appreciate them in my life.

So on my daily to-do list starting today is to send ONE Go-Giver award to someone I want to recognize as a Go-Giver EVERY SINGLE DAY!

How is that a business strategy? Let's look at the hard-nosed pragmatic side. Since I am certified to coach on The Go-Giver and I speak and do workshops on the 5 Laws, anything that makes people more aware of the 5 Laws of Stratospheric Success increases my worth and credibility. Since authors Bob Burg and John David Mann are great friends and huge proponents of my efforts helping them helps me. Shoot, the web page even has the first chapter to the NEW Go-Giver book, Go-Givers Sell More and I am actually featured (as are many of my friends) in that book. So is it a sound promotional strategy? You bet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.... Truth is there are a lot of things I could put on my to-do list that would achieve all that and maybe more. But I know I'll DO this - because imagining the smile on the face of the recipient brings me so much joy I'd do it even if I weren't so closely tied to the book.

Being able to easily download this certificate and share it through social media lets me implement all 5 Laws at once - because it does add value, it reaches many people, it serves others interests, it's totally authentic and I'm open to receiving whatever comes to me as a result because I know one thing - people WILL smile. How could anyone who really is using those 5 Laws in their life and business receive recognition like this and it not bring a smile to their face?

It is only fitting that the first of my Go-Giver awards goes out to my good friend and colleague, sales trainer, Yellow-Tie founder, author and idea man extraordinare - Gill Wager.

It was Gill who gave me my first copy of The Go-Giver, who first introduced me to the authors, who founded the Business Development Association, Yellow-Tie International on the very principles in the book, and who is a shining example of what it means to BE a Go-Giver!

Gill, you inspire me daily - it gives me tremendous JOY to have this opportunity to acknowledge everything you do for me and for everyone whose lives you touch!

And THAT, as The Go-Giver co-author Bob Burg says in his keynote, is "not only a nice way to live life but a very profitable one as well."

(kudos also to Thom Scott and Cesar Abeug for the concept and design of the award and the web site and to Kathy Zader for implementation.)

What is JOY worth?

2010-01-03T09:24:00.016-06:00

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy"

Thich Nhat Hanh

Picture this; you stop for a cup of coffee, tired from a long day followed by a short night, stressed and in a hurry - you just need that cup of joe. Which cup of coffee is more likely to set your world right, the one handed you by a blank-faced, perfunctory server who is "nice enough" or the one served by someone whose smile is genuine and whose face is alight with joy?

During a recent coaching session a friend, fellow coach and client of many years confessed to me that she still struggles with charging a fee for coaching because it brings HER so much joy.

So I asked her "what is a coach who does not bring joy into the relationship worth?" She admitted that would have very little value. "So then," I challenged her, "you would have to agree that it stands to reason that, assuming their skills and talents were similar, a coach who brought tremendous joy into the relationship would be worth proportionately more?"

Yes, she agreed, that seemed reasonable. Uh huh - I let that sink in for a few moments.

While coaching another good friend; author, speaker and interrogator extraordinaire, "Hello My Name is Scott" Ginsberg (whose 10th book is about to become available and he's not yet 30!) this summer we talked about all the things that he had NOT been doing because of a situation in his life - things that brought him joy. He made a plan to reengage with those activities and coined the phrase "triggers for joy." He soon "reported in" that "pulling his triggers for joy" let him break through what might have been a roadblock in record time.

In my keynote; "What is YOUR light: Connecting Passion, Purpose and Presence" I suggest that audiences connect with their personal passion and purpose to project a powerful presence, a presence that resonates with joy. That presence and the clarity of the message behind it can transform a person, a career or a business more quickly and more sustainably than any other factor.

In my last post, "So you say you made a resolution", I suggested that New Year's resolutions and goals that are grounded in things that bring YOU joy are more likely keep you moving forward toward your objectives.

In fact, I suggested that you focus on "outcomes that make you dance a jig and turn crazy cartwheels on the landscape of your mind."

BUT - Remember that joy needn't BEGIN with your business or your professional goals in order to BENEFIT your business or professional goals. That server whose attitude lifted your spirits before you even took a sip of that morning coffee may not have ENJOYED her tasks but she had a joy that she brought with her into her job. And her joy, regardless of the source, made her more valuable to your morning and therefore, to her employers, than the server who was simply performing her tasks and being "nice enough." Certainly "triggers for joy" that can be pulled by things you do in your work are powerful in building your value but living a life that allows you to experience joy adds to your net worth, regardless of the type of work you do.

In The Go-Giver, authors Bob Burg and John David Mann share the Law of Authenticity; "The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself." How do you make that gift MORE valuable? Add joy. Because joy cannot be faked. Enthusiasm can be faked, but joy, by its very nature, must be authentic.

Do you know what brings you joy? What makes your heart sing and ignites your inner fire?

I have realized that for me it is witnessing transformation. I experience that joy when I see a smile dawn on someone's face, when I see a rose bush come into bloom, when I see the seasons change the landscape and when I see a client whose inner fire shows in their presence and when their business growth reflects the power that they are using to transform themselves. I connect to it though dialog, through music, through long walks, through networking, through meditation and through writing. I am privileged to have clients who are seeking to transform their professional success through personal transformation and who will let me partner with them in that process - that brings me the greatest joy of all.

So that is where I began my resolutions and goals for the new year, with a Joy List.

My Joy List:

In 2010 I will...

Make more people smile

Plant more roses

Take more walks

Play more music

Write more poetry

Reach more clients

Be more aware of the transformations that happen every minute of every day

What is on YOUR joy list? How will you ignite your fire in 2010?

"A Mini Dose of Dynamite" - a free monthly mastermind call - will launch January 20th. If you want to know more send me an email at Dixie@PureSynchrony.com.

So you say you made a resolution…

2009-12-29T00:49:00.009-06:00

Keeping your goals from becoming a glorified to-do list.

This week we begin a new year (and a new decade) and if you are like most of the Western World you have begun making your New Year’s Resolutions. If you are a business owner and entrepreneur like nearly all of my clients and a good many of my friends you’ve also begun writing out your professional and business goals for 2010. And if you are like the “average” person you will have already “failed” to meet your goals or stick to your resolutions by the end of January 2010!

So why start?

I think it is more a question of where to start. Most people start with questions like “what do I most need to accomplish in 2010?” They may even begin with “what would I most like to make happen in 2010?” Very seldom does their goal setting process include connecting to an impelling “why.”

I’ve had clients apologize to me for having financial goals and I’ve had clients who refused to confess to having any goals that didn’t lead to financial success. And to them all I say “why?”

Yeah, why? What will change for you if you make that happen? Why do you care? Is your heart and soul engaged?

If you are in business I hope you are in business to make money. Richard Bach, author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Illusions and many more, was quoted as saying “I don't want to do business with those who don't make a profit, because they can't give the best service.”

The character Ernesto, while demonstrating Law #1 in The Go-Giver says, “will it make money is not a bad question, it’s just a bad first question.” He goes on to explain to Joe that the best first question is “will it serve.”

So here is the vital question; “how will achieving your goals serve you?”

Again, “money” isn’t a bad answer. But it is a bad first answer. Because money, in and of itself doesn’t serve. No one wants money just to have money. You want money for what it will buy, for what it says about you, for the status, for the security, for the good you can do with it, for all kinds of practical and emotional reasons. Money alone doesn’t answer the question.

Why not try starting with the joy you will gain from achieving your objectives in 2010 and reverse engineer your goals? I can hear it now, “joy, you want me to start with joy?”

Yes I do. That kind of joy that sets your soul on fire and gives your heart wings. The outcomes that make you dance a jig and turn crazy cartwheels on the landscape of your mind. THAT kind of joy.

If you cannot think of ONE thing that you could do in 2010 that would have that effect you’ve already figured out why you don’t accomplish your goals. Or if you do it is a hard, hard road with more relief and pride than true celebration at the end of it.

Am I saying that your goals should not be financial? Absolutely not! There are no “wrong” goals or “wrong” resolutions – only “wrong” reasons. What is a wrong reason? One that you have no emotional connection to - one that does not light your fire.

What would happen if you started your goal setting or resolutions by asking yourself this question? “This time next year what accomplishment(s) do I want to look back on with tears of joy and a full heart and say - I did THAT?”

Grab hold of that feeling and don’t let go. Then start asking “what has to happen in order to reach that moment, who do I need to involve, what resources will I need, what must I do FIRST?”

Those are goals you are emotionally attached to, outcomes that light you up inside. And likely they will require that you make money, and they may even make you a lot of money. But the emotion isn’t about the money, the money is just a resource and a natural outcome.

So you say, “what about S.M.A.R.T goals?” (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely for those of you who haven’t been dipped in the magic well of Organizational Development.)

Stuff and nonsense (I HEARD those gasps of horror from my colleagues) AT THIS POINT. It’s too soon to think about being reasonable. I don’t want to hear about realistic and achievable. I don’t want to hear about “should” and “can’t” (although I’ll be talking about both of those deal breakers in future posts.) Right now we’re still dreaming of the “impossible” and figuring out how to bring it within reach.

I have clients who are used to keeping five year business plans. And I have clients who never write a business plan. Either way, we don’t focus on the plan until we find the joy, the fire, the light they WANT to move toward. Only then are we are ready to write goals, plans, resolutions, create roadmaps.

Because when your “why” is clear then everything you write becomes an “I want to so I will” instead of “I should so I better put it on the list” and your goals become a sanctified “can-do” list instead of a glorified “must-do” list.

Got a burning question about something in this post? Email it to me at Dixie@PureSynchrony.com and I’ll send you a personal response.

Accountability, Responsibility and Joyful Contributions

2009-12-22T14:43:00.004-06:00

Recently, my good friend and continual source of inspiration, Bob Burg, challenged us to reconcile a couple of well-known and generally accepted idioms.

“If it is to be it’s up to me.”

And

“No one does it alone”

So which is it? Are you Atlas with the weight of the world on your shoulders or are you part of a team effort?

Does your individual success rest on you or on your team?

Why does it have to be either/or? Let’s start with who is accountable. That one is easy, we are accountable for our actions, our behavior and our personal performance. It is up to us to take initiative, we are in the driver’s seat and that means ultimately that vehicle only goes forward when WE put it in gear and it only goes where WE steer it to go. It is up to us to do our best under any circumstances.

But that doesn’t mean we make the journey alone. We can delegate tasks that are essential to our success, we can build a team. Notice I said “delegate” not “abdicate.” We can make other people responsible for tasks by an exchange of value, hiring, outsourcing, bartering, etc… They do not take on being accountable for our success, only responsible for the tasks they take on. It is still up to us to make sure those tasks are being completed to standard and in a timely manner. So it is also up to us to surround ourselves with team members who accept responsibility and perform to our standards.

It is also up to us to surround ourselves with people who will support us in reaching our chosen destination and who will challenge us to dream of destinations we could not imagine without them. It is up to us to communicate clearly and openly, first with ourselves and then with others, about where we want to go and what we need to get there. And it is up to us to support others in their journeys as well.

Another cliche that happens to be true – “no man is an island” – we do not go through our lives in isolation. That is part of the “if it is to be” – that doesn’t just refer to our achievements but to the outcomes of the community, the society, the world!

We all have the opportunity to make joyful contributions to the journeys taking place along side of our own. We can lend a hand to a fellow traveler, or an ear or an encouraging word. Sometimes it is the joyful contributions that propel us forward the most powerfully because they are not offered from a sense of obligation; out of accountability or responsibility, but from a sense of companionship and camaraderie.

It is up to me, and up to you, and up to everyone else. We begin it, we commit to it, and we invite others to join us because “no one does it alone.”

Got a burning question about something in this post? Email it to me at Dixie@PureSynchrony.com and I’ll send you a personal response.

The Raging Holiday Debate

2009-12-16T15:13:00.005-06:00

As we again approach the end of the year we enter into the notorious “holiday season.”

This year it seems, more than any year I remember, the debate over the appropriate holiday well wishes is front and center everywhere I look. Now maybe it has to do with where I look – Facebook groups, twitter posts, blogs… all those venues for making your opinion known without giving much thought to the statement we are making have become more prevalent and continue to take a more central role in keeping us all connected.

I think it comes down to value. Yes, really, value. If I wish someone a happy or merry anything is my intent to add value for me or for them? Well, I’ll speak for myself (and there is a comment section below for you to do speak for yourself.) My intent is to add value to them, to bring a smile, to lighten a heart, to brighten a day.

So why would I wish them anything that holds no meaning for them?

I have a somewhat unique perspective perhaps. I was raised Christian, in fact, I was raised in a Christian cult that did not celebrate the religious holidays because of their derivation from pagan rituals and traditions. Their teaching was that if you celebrating the birth, death and resurrection of Christ at all then you should celebrate it every day and not by the observance of rituals that had been modified from other religions.

How many of you gasped? What, no Christmas? Nope, and no Hanukah, and we didn’t celebrate the Winter Solstice either. But in the little Kansas town where I was raised everyone wished me a Merry Christmas and expected that I would wish them the same.

And I did, wholeheartedly.

Because it meant something to them. I sang the carols even though I wasn’t allowed to participate in rehearsals for the annual school pageant let alone in the real event, because it brought joy to people to hear them. Although I had no reference for the traditions outside of the books I read I took pleasure in their pleasure.

But what if I had been raised in a community on the West Bank? Or in Tehran? Would I have been inauthentic to offer them the greetings and well wishes that are in keeping with their traditions and the beliefs that bring them joy? Why is it inauthentic if I sincerely wish them joy on their sacred day?

In this part of our world Christians are the majority and a greeting of “Merry Christmas” will add value to many of the people we meet. But not all.

So this season, as you wish a merry, happy season to friends and strangers please ask yourself, “am I wishing them a Merry Christmas because I know it has meaning for them or only to make a statement about what has meaning for me?”

I agree you all have the right to offer your holiday greetings in any format you choose - and so does everyone else. So if you say "Merry Christmas" and they respond with "Happy Holidays" please know that their wish for you is just as sincere as your wish for them.

Let that be the value of the well wishes you give, and those you receive.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is the tolerance and respect that comes from an open and loving heart.

I wish you all a happy, merry, joyful, blessed season – this season and every other.

Thankfulness and Resolutions

2009-11-28T15:25:00.009-06:00

As we near this time of year, our thoughts are often drawn to the things we have to be thankful for and the commitments we will make to ourselves for the upcoming year.

At least that is the way my thoughts have been turning lately, and I’m seeing those themes weaving through the status reports, blog posts and newsletter messages that come my way from friends and followers.

Recently I had a reason to ponder those two themes even more deeply – because a person whose presence in my life has been a huge blessing to me celebrated his 50^th birthday last week. Or as he put it – Gill v. 5.0 was launched.

If you’ve read my posts you’ve “met” Gill here. Gill Wagner is the founder of Yellow-Tie International, an association for people who want to go beyond networking and become true connectors in their business community. He is the founder of Honest Selling, a sales training organization dedicated to eradicating ‘sales drip” behavior from the profession of selling. Most importantly, he is a generous and insightful connector.

I could give you pages and pages on why Gill and Yellow-Tie are on my “Things I am Thankful For” list. But let me sum it up this way: I am thankful for Gill because he gives me a shining example of what is means to “give because it is who you are, it is what you do.” No wonder The Go-Giver spoke to him the way it did – those words from the book (by Bob Burg and John David Mann) describe him perfectly. He doesn’t keep score, he doesn’t hold anything back; he only asks “how can I serve?”

A perfect example is what Gill has dubbed a “be useful meeting.” Two or more people meet for no reason except to see how they can serve each other with no one writing a check. I don’t know how many of these meetings Gill has taken or how many connections have come from them or how much business has been produced because of them. But I do know that connections are always formed out of those meetings because Gill is the consummate connector.

I’ve had many reasons to be thankful for Gill’s “be useful” meetings. I’ve been on the receiving end of many introductions and referrals from those meetings. I know that there are many people throughout the United States and beyond that can say the same.

As I ponder the fast approaching 2010 and the launch of my new brand (more on that next month) it puts me in the mind of New Year’s Resolutions. Which brings me to the commitment I will make to myself. It is this; that I will plan at LEAST one “be useful meeting” of my own every single month for 2010.

If you want to celebrate the launch of “Gill v 5.0” with him have your own “be useful meeting” and let him know how it went.

You don’t need to put a ribbon on it, just email him at gwagner@honestselling.com or reach out to him online.

Twitter: http://twitter.com/honestselling

Facebook: http://facebook.com.gill.e.wagner

Linked In: http://linkedin.com/in/honestselling

And, if you want to help me meet MY commitment you can volunteer to schedule for one of my "be useful meetings" in 2010 or recommend someone for me to meet. No need to keep it local - with technology today meetings can happen through any medium. Just sent me an email at Dixie@PureSynchrony.com connect with me online and let me know why you think we can "be useful" to each other.

twitter: http://twitter.com/DixieDynamite

Facebook: http://facebook.com/DixieDynamite

Linked In: http://linkedin.com/in/dixiegillaspie

Here's hoping you had a fantastic Thanksgiving and that your "Things to be Thankful For" list keeps growing. You are all on mine!

Believing in Greatness

2009-11-15T20:07:00.007-06:00

Last week I got to do something I had only dreamed of doing; I delivered a keynote for Build Your Own Brand, an event that showcased three of my greatest heroes, two as the featured speakers and one as the Master of Ceremonies. It was in my own city so I got to deliver to a “home crowd” – in fact, the audience included friends, fans and clients as well as local business owners and high level executives whom I had never met.

With complete latitude to present anything I wanted, I scripted a signature speech that opened with The Flaming Lips and the story of a funeral, went right through some of my own challenges and epiphanies and wrapped up with a clip from one of my favorite films. (Sounds strange I know but it all makes sense in context.) I pulled out the stops and went straight for the heart of it.

The opportunity was a dream come true but there is nothing like a dream coming true to make you recognize how closely related dreams are to nightmares. I was pumped up but I was also having the speech writer’s version of night sweats. Was rocking out to The Flaming Lips at 8:00 in the morning too in-your-face? Was the story too personal, would they be able to relate? Was the slide show too over-the-top? And most of all – would I be able to do justice to the great speakers who would follow me on the stage and to the MC who was going to be “vamping” me in front of about 100 of his friends and fans?

That’s when my heroes stepped up to make me great. As the founder of Yellow-Tie International who were sponsoring the event and as the best “vamp” I know, Gill Wagner was MCing the event. He went to great lengths to tell the world how thrilled he was that I would be presenting. One of our featured speakers, Bob Burg, author of Endless Referrals and co-author with John David Mann of The Go-Giver, came into town a couple of days early to do some media interviews and spend some time working with me. While I never asked for reassurance Bob made it clear in dozens of little ways that he had no doubt that I was going to be “dynamite”. Finally, Scott Ginsberg, our other featured speaker and author of several books including Stick Yourself Out There, went so far as to slip me a note the night before the event that said “You OWN tomorrow – I believe in you.”

Magical words aren’t they? “I BELIEVE IN YOU!”

I realized that night, reviewing my slides and cues, pacing the floor, checking my face for last minute blemishes (oh come on, you have those nightmares too) and then trying to slow my heart rate down enough to sleep (way too early for MY natural night owl’s circadian rhythms) that was exactly what all three of these wonderful friends and fantastic pros were trying to tell me – they BELIEVED in me. Not in my talent or my material, but in ME!

Once that realization blasted through my half sleeping mind dozens of faces lined up behind my “big three.” The “boys of Spoke” clients, friends and lifesavers all, Dan Klein, Brian Schwartz and David Meyer, weren’t just sponsoring the event and producing the marketing materials because it was good business – they believed in me. The same was true of my client and good friend, Bill Ellis, who not only sponsored the event but brought several guests. And it was true of my friend Ruth Binger, whose law firm was a sponsor and who personally brought several guests. I finally got it – the people who had been saying “you’re going to ROCK” weren’t just giving me a pep talk – they believed it. They believed in ME. I breathed that in, drifted off to happy dreams and woke up ready to do just that – ROCK it!

Today a Facebook post from a friend I share with Gill Wagner and Bob Burg and whom the rest of you really ought to have the pleasure of getting to know – horticulturist, musician, foot-massager and humor-lover, Heather Williamson, really brought the lesson home.

Her Facebook status today said “What if you made others greater, every day?”

She does, I’ve seen her do it. And Gill Wagner does, and Bob Burg does, and Scott Ginsberg does and all those other supporters who told me in so many ways “I believe in you” do. It’s what they all have in common – they make others greater because they believe in the greatness of others.

They embody The Go-Giver Law #4 – the law of authenticity. They really believe and they share that belief so sincerely and so freely that the people around them can’t help but be greater. What I had to learn was Law #5 – the law of receptivity. I had to learn to breathe in the gift they offered and LET it make me great.

What does this mean to you? It means you CAN make others greater, every day. You have that power. And it means you can BE greater by accepting the gift of other’s belief in you. You have that power too.

Not sure how to connect those dots? Send me an email at Dixie@PureSynchrony.com and tell me your greatest challenge with making others greater or letting others bring out your greatness. That’s right, send me an email and I’ll send you my thoughts. It’s that simple – it’s the least I can do.

The Power of Play (What I learned from kids at St. Jude's today)

2009-09-27T21:36:00.002-05:00

Today I rode down to Memphis with my friend, Tammy, and her 8 year old son, Robbie. In October of last year the doctors removed a lump from Robbie's leg. After considerable amount of time and consernation on the part of many top doctors at Johns Hopkins and elsewhere he was diagnosed with a rare form of NK Lymphoma, one that has characterists of luekemia as well. Early last year he began an aggressive treatment plan that involved intense chemotherapy for 146 weeks and monthly trips to Memphis for treatment at St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. I am writing this post from the St. Jude's campus.

So today I watched while child after child checked in here with their families. Some are in wheelchairs, some are bald, some are sporting bandages, but very few were crying or fussy. Kids take their lives as they come and they play and take what joy is available to them regardless.

Robbie knows what he is facing. But even knowing what this trip holds, Robbie has joked around, giggled, watched movies, rocked out to Queen in the car, agreed to go out to Huey's for dinner even though he was tired because Tammy told him I might not want to eat pizza in the room (I think SHE didn't want to) and while he has had a few breakdowns he has mostly just been a kid. He has a light saber he takes everywhere (well not to dinner but everywhere else) and he still has a skip in his step.

But he showed me his favorite piece of art - a stormy abstract that says "Who am I? I am not my illness" and he understands exactly what that means. I'm watching kids who have had to ask the question "am I going to die" and have had to face the answer and they still play. I'm watching the parents who have had to field that question who are managing to play with them, and to discipline them when necessary, knowing they could lose them sooner rather than later. I am listening to the stories of the other children they have known here and which ones I will meet tomorrow and which ones have finished treatment and which ones have "earned their angel wings".

And I am thinking of the perspective this offers us all. Not "it could be worse, who am I to complain" but a reminder that life is short for all of us and we all have hardships, but it is meant to be experienced and we are meant to play! We don't know what lies ahead and we can't change what is behind us. But here, in this moment, we can choose to play and experience joy. There won't be a better time than now!

What Lights Your Fire?

2009-09-22T18:29:00.006-05:00

Do you ever ask yourself why some people seem to burn more brightly, stay fired up longer, bounce back faster, accomplish more and have more fun doing it? Like the bush that burned but was not consumed, they seem to burn the candle at both ends and come back shining brighter than ever before.

Let me guess, you’re thinking “those are the people who are really passionate”, right? I would agree the “fire” begins with passion, the wellspring of energy. In a previous post about tapping into that wellspring and understanding passion I explored the connection between passion and joy and suffering.

But at the end of the day what keeps your fire burning? What is the fuel? What gives it shape and direction?

Let’s try this one; Purpose.

From Latin, “pro” before or in front of and “posse” to put or place. Literally then “to place in front of”.

The object toward which one strives or for which something exists
The reason for which anything is done, created or exists
A fixed design or idea that is the object of an action

Conclusion; achieving your purpose requires that you understand your objective or reason and combine it with action or creation.

What do you place before anything else? What objective do you have for striving or creating or taking action? For that matter, what is your reason for being – for continuing to get up every morning and tackle another day? What is your why?

I’ve observed a lot of powerful people who are accomplishing great things (many of them are unsung angels but they still wield a lot of power for good) and the thing I believe they have in common is that they are living their purpose. Whether they have spelled it out in a mission statement or not the consistency with which they create and take action spells it out for them. They burn brighter, stay fired up longer and bounce back faster than your average angel.

About two years ago I started wrestling with creating my purpose statement. It has gone through several transformations and with each revision it resonated a little deeper and a little stronger. Today it acts as my blueprint against which I measure the things I create and the actions I take. I don’t always measure up, but when I do I too burn brighter, stay fired up longer and bounce back faster. I’m no angel – but I’m working on being the best version of my human self possible.

Here is my purpose:

First – To see the world become more connected; with their inner voices, with their best selves, with each other and with their world.
Second – To see people encouraged and empowered to define and pursue success in their own unique way.
Third – To help people stop saying “I can’t” or “you can’t” and begin saying “how can I” and “how can I help you make that happen.”

May your fire burn brightly and forever and may you always honor the fire that burns in every unique individual.

Coaches, Mentors and Magic Dragons

2009-07-12T23:33:00.007-05:00

Last month I asked my twitter community to weigh in on a discussion I was having with myself:

"What is the difference between a coach and a mentor?"

I've been called both - I've also been a consultant, a professional trainer and a volunteer teacher. While I felt I could clearly define the difference between coaching and consulting/teaching/training I wasn't so sure I was on the same page with my audience when it came to the difference between a mentor and a coach.

No wonder - the answers from the audience were very diverse. I'm not sure a single answer exists.

In fact, I started a Facebook page called Energy Synergy Harmony – you’ll find it at Facebook pages Pure Synchrony which is the name of my business – to continue this discussion and to facilitate other discussions with my audience

From my friend (and mentor by MY definition) John David Mann

"A mentor cares and gives the light of experience - a coach holds toes to the fire."

From my friend and fellow thought leader, Chris Ortiz

"Difference is love. We coach for money or duty. We mentor because of the relationship."

Some comments suggested that coaches offer inspiration – most agreed that a large part of mentoring is to inspire.

Now there were comments from people who felt they had “virtual mentors” – people they strove to emulate without personal contact or engagement. In my mind I think of those people as role models – I may strive to model them in some way but they are not mentoring me.

What do I think?

I think that the difference IS the emotional engagement – coaching can happen even with the unwilling. You can in fact, coach someone on being coachable. You can force someone to participate in “disciplinary coaching”. It won’t always be successful (as my good friend David Hilyard commented to me If the want" isn't strong enough it can't happen. "If the bird doesn't want to fly you have a chicken." I'm STILL laughing at that one) but it is still a coaching relationship.

Mentoring however is a mutually permissive relationship that requires both parties to engage.

I can BE a coach whether or not I have clients. I can only BE a mentor if I have a protégée who is engaged with me in being mentored.

The posts took me back to a conversation with a client many years ago – we were meeting in a coffee shop and the old Peter Paul and Mary tune Puff the Magic Dragon came on. My client said to me “I think that is what I’ve really been lacking – a Puff”

Now no chuckles from those of you who have your own theories about the topic of that song – what he meant was he had never had someone who took him under their wing – literally OR figuratively and showed him the ropes, took him on adventures, encouraged him to have courage, to dare to venture away from Cherry Lane and go experience the world.

He had never had a mentor.

That song and that memory informed some of my personal definitions of what it means to be a mentor.

It was a mutually giving relationship – Jackie brought strings and sealing wax and Puff introduced him to kings and princes. It was a mutually receiving relationship as well. But most telling was what happened when Jackie outgrew his need for his mentor – Puff slipped into his cave and was seen no more. It required the participation and commitment of both parties.

So here are my thoughts:

A teacher shares knowledge – anyone can learn even against their will.

A trainer works on developing skills – anyone can develop if they have the aptitude.

A consultant has or finds answers and solutions – anyone can benefit if they are willing to do the work.

A coach provokes you to find YOUR OWN answers and solutions, helps you recognize and remove barriers and keeps you focused and moving forward – anyone can grow if they are internally motivated enough.

Any of these people can be hired, engaged, retained, you name it.

A mentor may do any and all of the above but ultimately they share of themselves, not only their experience but their experiences, not only of their knowledge but their wisdom. Only those who are willing to share at that level can be true mentors and only those who are willing to share equally in the emotional commitment can be a protégé.

As to inspiration – anyone can inspire – I’ve been inspired by teachers, trainers, consultants and coaches.

I’ve been inspired by people I don’t know (yet) In fact, it was Chris Brogan who inspired me today to just get on with it and record this video! Thanks Chris!

I must say that I am most inspired by my mentors – because I am inspired not only by what they say but by who they are.

The mentors I have in my life now keep me inspired daily – John David Mann who inspires me to be a little more eloquent every time I sit down to write, Scott Ginsberg who inspires me to be a little less judgmental of what is worth writing, Gill Wagner who inspires me to recognize my own talent, Bob Burg who inspires me to step up to my future with grace and my unwitting (and probably unwilling) mentor, David Meyer, who inspires me to embrace my creativity and to laugh at myself.

Teachers, trainers, consultants and coaches provide a lot of value

But to someone who is ready to be a protégé a mentor is priceless

And to someone who is ready to be a mentor – a protégé is absolutely essential

Does Passion Create Joy or Suffering? Yes It Does!

2009-06-03T20:53:00.003-05:00

"Passion makes the old medicine new:
Passion lops off the bough of weariness.
Passion is the elixir that renews:
How can there be weariness
when passion is present?
Oh, don't sigh heavily from fatigue:
seek passion, seek passion, seek passion!"
- Rumi

How many times have you heard an elevator speech that started “I’m passionate about helping…?”

Or been told “do what you are passionate about and the money will follow?”

Your passions say a lot about you – it’s why I am often asked during interviews “So, Dixie, what are you passionate about?” (Watch David Siteman Garland ask me that exact question on The Rise to the Top and you won’t need to read the rest of this post.)

It’s a good question.

One which often leaves us wondering “what AM I passionate about?”

Because we know it is true – when we are connected to our passion we are fired up, busting through every barrier, feet barely touching the ground.

When we are fulfilling our passion we believe in ourselves, we feel limitless and optimistic about what we can make of our future.

A person who is living an example of their core passion attracts other people. Their energy attracts other energy (we call this multiplier affect “synergy”.) That is why when I coach clients on creating connections we start with tapping into this energy source.

Because we cannot tap into that wellspring of energy unless we have access to its source.

Often the question I hear people asking themselves and each other is actually “what are you passionate about DOING?”

The word “passion” is derived from the Latin “pati” meaning “to suffer.” (Ironically, that is also the source of the word “patient” an adjective that, for me, IS the equivalent of suffering.) Which is why, if you read old classic romances you see phrases like “he suffered from a deep and enduring passion.”

So is suffering required? I thought passion was “the elixir that renews.” Well if you are willing to let your passion simmer on a back burner while you do nothing, you will, indeed, suffer.

So is action the answer then? Just do it? But what if you take action and fail? Isn’t that just another kind of suffering?

How do you achieve that powerful “nothing can stop me now” kind of feeling that we associate with doing what you are passionate about doing and being rewarded for doing it?

Understand your passion is not for a thing, it isn’t for an activity, it is for an OUTCOME. Your passion lifts you far above the ground when you achieve an outcome that brings you joy. You may have to do things you don’t even enjoy, let alone feel passionate about. You may have to take some risks, and even get back up after a few falls.

The joy of living your passion comes from seeing the result of putting action to your emotion.

Guess what? Results are what we get paid for as well. Sure enough, when you FULFILL your passion the money does follow.

Please, seek passion. Match your action to your emotion. Let your energy attract people who want to work with you. Achieve outcomes that add value to the lives of others. You won’t need to seek money, you will only need to accept it when it finds you.

The Go-Giver Five Laws - It takes the entire spectrum

2009-04-19T14:04:00.011-05:00

Never say never - it finally happened! Everyone who knows me knows I dread getting in front of a camera. It wasn't quite a phobia but a close approximation.

Then I got inspired by the words of a 19 year old entrepreneur whose entry for the Go-Giver tour contest was so authentic, so natural and so dead on that I just had to respond in kind. Watch Michael W. Montgomery's video contest entry and read the comments posted, you'll see what I mean.

Here is my first video, with thanks for the inspiration to Michale Montgomery and authors Bob Burg and John David Mann.

The comments following the post of Michael's video included the question "what law in The Go-Giver can you relate to?"

Michael's response was "Right now I think I relate best with either Value or Authenticity... I'd like to level it out over the whole spectrum of laws but it may take some time."

There is the real secret to stratospheric success - "the whole spectrum" and "it may take some time." See it doesn't take time for the Go-Giver laws to work, but they work only when we work them. So the real question is "how long will it take you to start applying ALL FIVE laws?"

See business success is usually measured by what you GET. Your income, your material wealth, the company's profit, etc... We measure the outcome but we must focus on what we put into achieving the outcome. As Bob Burg says, "shift the focus from getting to giving."

I recapped in the video above some of the highlights from each of the laws that have been the most transformational for me and for my clients.

If you want to know the laws get the book or visit The Go-Giver website. What I'm giving here are just a few of the lessons I've latched onto after a year of coaching the laws.

Law #1 - Ernesto says "Will it make money is not a bad question. It's just a bad FIRST question." In fact, he goes on to say, if the first question you ask is "will it serve" and you can find a way to give a resounding YES as an answer you can't help but make money.

Law #2 - Nicole shares with Joe how the concept she created for a classroom of kids has been translated into a thriving business that now shares that concept with thousands of kids and Joe realizes that it isn't JUST about value - it is also about impact. How many people can you serve and how much impact can you have on those people? Nicole reminds us that this law means that there is no limit on your income because if you are adding significant value you can always find more people to serve.

Law #3 - Sam shares his discovery of how to create an army of Personal Walking Ambassadors. This is a more powerful sales force than you could ever hire or afford to pay.

Law #4 - Deborah tells her audience that even after learning everything there was to know about real estate and about selling she was still desperate and broke. It was only after learning how to share the gift of herself and realizing that 10% of success is achieved through skills and knowledge and 90% is achieved through relationships that she reached stratospheric success. It isn't just about BEING authentic, it is mostly about the willingness to contribute that authentic self to every relationship you make.

Law #5 - Finally Joe meets the "secret guest" and learns the power of breathing in. He realizes that giving is the equivalent of breathing out and that it is not possible to only breathe out and live - you must also breathe in. Further, you can't select the particles of air you take into your lungs, you take every breathe in faith that it will include the oxygen you need to sustain life and create health.

This, then is the secret as shared by a 19 year old entrepreneur. Work toward "leveling out across the entire spectrum" and you can't help but reach stratospheric success.

Networking In My PJs

2009-03-31T01:17:00.005-05:00

How social media is drawing like minds together at all hours of the day or night

Tonight I got to hear a friend’s voice for the first time! I couldn’t hold back a delighted chuckle when I heard a voice say “This is Heather O in North Carolina.” I knew her face, and I can honestly say I knew her philosophy and her spirit, but I’d never heard her speak.

I had dialed into a conference call featuring four entrepreneurs who are organizing The Go-Giver Tour and were holding the call to discuss how the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success could be applied using social media. I knew my friend was dialed into the call as well, but I didn’t expect to actually hear her.

The reason for my being on the call, the thing that brought Heather and I together and the way I knew that she was listening too; twitter. That’s right, twitter. The mysterious, who-cares-what-everyone-else-is-doing, 140 characters or less, micro-blogging phenomenon, twitter.

Heather and I “met” on twitter because we shared an interest in The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann. Turns out we’ve both been teaching and coaching on how to apply the laws. We had some terrific conversations – yes conversations can take place on twitter – and I watched for her posts with interest because they never failed to inspire, motivate, challenge or lead me to more great people to follow.

Then came the Go-Giver Tour. An exercise in applying the five laws, it started with four guys who didn’t know each other until they connected – you guessed it – on twitter. I saw their posts, was intrigued and finally impressed and reached out to connect in person. I’ll be helping them put together a live event in St. Louis when their tour lands them here on April 22^nd.

The Go-Giver Tour’s ultimate destination is Orlando for the Extreme Business Makeover Event hosted by my friends Bob Burg and Thom Scott who, along with seven other amazing speakers like Jon Gordon, Libby Gill, Josh Hinds and Scott Stratten, will be presenting a three day, idea and action packed seminar designed to help entrepreneurs uncover hidden assets, overcome weaknesses and create an action plan. Guess where they are promoting it? That’s right, twitter.

At this point you’re probably going to answer “twitter” to any question I ask, right?

Well, guess where I’ll be meeting the organizers of The Go-Giver Tour; Gilbert Melott, Bradley Will, Brian Tomkins and Gabe Strom. No, not twitter. The answer is here in St. Louis for a real, live, in person meet up to celebrate their tour and the young entrepreneurs who have won the opportunity to travel with them, learn from them and attend the Extreme Business Makeover Event (including some private time with author, Bob Burg.)

Guess where I’ll be connecting with Heather next? No, not twitter. We have a phone call scheduled to discuss teaming up on some Go-Giver coaching teleseminars. Great value indeed.

Guess where I’ll be connecting with you next. You tell me! I’ll look for you on twitter, and on Facebook and on Linked In because I LIKE networking in my PJs with a cat on my lap and a puppy on my feet. But I also like networking at coffee shops, conferences, offices and anywhere else people of like minds congregate.

My motto and what I teach my clients; “Your network is your safety net and your fishing net. It will save your life and feed you for life if you build it well and treat it right.”

How are you expanding your net?

How are you strengthening your net?

3X3X3 = Infinite Success

Want to know the THREE aspects of building a net and THREE activities on each of the THREE top networking sites that you can use to accomplish each one? Send me an email at Dixie@PureSynchrony.com and I’ll send it to you for FREE.

Mister, Do You Pray?

2009-02-27T15:27:00.005-06:00

I don’t know what the weather was like in your part of the world last night, but here in St. Louis it rained.

That is an understatement – it blew water out of the sky so hard and fast that, looking out the big front window of Sub Zero Vodka Bar, you just saw sheets of silver moving horizontal to the sidewalk.

Thank goodness I was in good company, the aftermath of a “tweetup” of St. Louis folks who use twitter to make connections - yes we do occasionally prefer to see each other in person - so I decided just to sit it out. But driving home an hour or so later in the still gusting winds I was reminded of why my father refused to fly if he had the option of driving.

It seems that he was traveling in a company plane during similar weather conditions. Just him and the pilot, circling above the landing field, unable to land because of the wind and running out of fuel. The way my father tells the story, the pilot turned to him and said, “Mister, do you pray?” Of course, the way my father tells the story, he not only knew how, he’d been praying constantly and fervently for some time. But due to that experience, I traveled to most of the 50 states before I was 18 but never had the opportunity to fly until I was 23 years old.

Now it isn’t important to me what you call your act of prayer. Think of it as time spent in mentally, emotionally and yes, spiritually, focusing on desired outcomes and appreciation for the blessings and privileges you have. It might be your meditation time, your dream time, your future journaling time, or your religious time. It might be directed at an outside force, it might be internally focused. But it is time you are giving 110% to the forces that shape your life and your future.

When do you engage in that activity? Every day, once in a while when you have time, or only in times of crisis? You’ll notice that pilot didn’t ask “can you pray?” or “will you pray?” He was looking for someone who did it on a regular basis because that’s what it takes to get results.

Right now we’re looking at the economic future - certainly there are other problems, but let’s just stick with topic of the day – and we see the equivalent of gale force winds and torrential rains. It’s blowing a lot of people off course. It’s easy to lose sight of your destination and become focused strictly on survival.

I contend it will be those people who “pray” who will still be aloft when the sun comes out. The people who have created a practice of focusing on outcomes and giving thanks for blessings. And more than that, the people who have created a fellowship of people who “pray” with them, who give them encouragement and keep them firmly on course.

Because those people will continue to fly, they’ll keep moving toward their destination regardless of the weather and, when the weather dictates a little time out, they’ll be surrounded by good company with whom they can sit out the worst of the gale until they’re ready to take flight again.

What storm has made you afraid to fly?

Who’s on your flight team?

What are you doing to build a practice of strong “prayer” of a focus so powerful that nothing can blow you off course?

Want some tips for creating that practice in your life and career? Send me an email at dixie@puresynchrony.com and I’ll send you a list of 25 elements of creating a “storm proof” flight plan.

What Game Are You Coaching?

2009-02-09T14:25:00.004-06:00

You find out, “Life is a game of inches.” Never mind football.

Whatever game you’re playing, whatever game you’re coaching, it is a game of little differences.

I’m hearing how tough it is to win right now. I’m sure we’re all hearing and seeing it and, even if we aren’t experiencing it, we’re still feeling the cold dread of wondering “am I up for the challenge.”

It’s a daunting opponent, fear. It can make our brains seize up and our guts turn to water. It can bring about certain failure without ever striking a blow. Often our initial response to fear is to isolate ourselves. It’s the “everyman for himself” mentality. Looking out for #1 becomes our #1 priority.

And for many people it isn’t a “what if” challenge but a “right now” challenge. They are facing loss of their job, lack of buying power, failing relationships or illness.

But the truth is that no matter the opponent it takes a team that lives by the “all for one and one for all” mentality to win. None of us have to be in this game alone.

“Either we heal now as team or we will die as individuals.”

Whether your team is a small group, a community, a company, a country or an entire world.

What opponent are you facing?

Who is on your team?

Are you coaching them to win as a team or die as individuals?

“Now, what are you going to do?”

Three Reasons I'm a Networking Diehard

2009-01-28T00:50:00.007-06:00

When two of your good buddies offer you the same personal challenge in one day it’s time to make sure you are clear with yourself about the answer.

Because sometimes your unconscious mind uses your good buddies to get your attention.

Adam Kreitman asked me today if I was riding the “social networking spiral” and since he’s one of my top go to people for all things on line I paid attention. Seems he’s seen a lot of people get caught up in playing around on social networking sites without having a purpose in what they do and think they are networking. Must be where the terms “twitterholics” and “FaceBook fanatics” come from. Adam has written an amusing blogpost on social networking addictions - if you think you might be suffering from one of the "holics" or "fanatics" syndromes go read it now!

Later I got a FaceBook email from another good buddy (please tell me you appreciate the irony here) who wanted to know if the networking events I attend actually produce anything or if it’s mainly a chance to talk to peers and preach to the choir.

Granted, I spend several hours a week networking, combining live events with online forums and personal meetings with social networking sites' communication tools. I’m certifiably committed to the people who make up my various networking circles and I add new relationships to those circles almost daily. So it seemed like a worthwhile exercise to try to figure out exactly what I accomplish with this time other than having a darn good time and calling it work.

Diehard Rationale #1

Networking let’s me share fellowship with my peers – and I need that.

Maybe there are people who don’t need the fellowship and camaraderie and sense of belonging that a great peer group can inspire – I’m not one of them. I blossom when I’m surrounded by a group of people who are my personal cheerleaders one minute and my greatest heroes the next.

Diehard Rationale #2

Networking provides inspiration and stimulation – and I need that.

I want to see change in the world because of what I do but I don’t want to do it by myself, so I network. I’m not a person who creates in isolation. I need pebbles thrown in my pool for things to ripple. Sometimes I need rocks or even boulders because I need BIG ripples. My networking circles are filled with idea people, philosophers and revolutionaries, radical thinkers and powerful doers. Being in their presence, in real space or cyberspace, fuels my fire to be all of those things when I want to be or need to be.

Diehard Rationale #3

Networking provides endless opportunities to add value and expand my reach – and who doesn’t need that?

According to author and historical economy buff, Bob Burg, all wealth is created out of the first two laws in The Go-Giver. (Which doesn’t mean you should ignore the other three because you can create wealth with laws one and two and still be perfectly miserable.) Law #1 says “Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.” So the opportunity to add value to others increases my worth, that seems like a good thing. And Law #2 says “Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.” Then yes, expanding my reach seems like a worthy endeavor as well.

Which doesn’t mean that I never get that sinking suspicion that I am feeding a slot machine just to see if I can get back a little change. But then I take stock of the jackpots I’ve hit in my career and they can all be traced to a networking activity.

In the last five years I’ve only worked with two clients who did not come to me as a result of networking. Referrals have been from networking connections and from clients who were originally referred by networking connections.

I have a circle of advisors and mentors that give me unbelievable guidance every day – guess how I met them - networking. I have a small army of walking personal ambassadors (another of Bob Burg’s phrases that I love) – guess how they found me - networking. The opportunity to connect with authors Bob Burg and John David Mann as well as create coaching programs based on The Go-Giver and Endless Referrals - networking. The introduction to online marketing expert Bob Sommers of Recognized Expert.com, networking. The honor of serving as President of networking association, Yellow-Tie International, board of directors - well duh - networking.

That’s right, nearly all of the value in my business today came to me through networking. So I think I’ll keep slipping those quarters into the slot.

What are you a diehard about?

What’s your rationale? Can you give me three good reasons why you do what you do?

How many quarters have you put in the slot? What’s your investment in this activity?

Haven’t found a strong enough rationale to build and maintain a network? Send me an email at dixie@PureSynchrony.com and I’ll send you some questions about your business that will help you find the answers about networking.

Why Gurus Don't Live on Mountaintops

2009-01-23T01:14:00.012-06:00

I never pictured myself as a guru.

For one thing, they apparently spend a lot of their time at the top of very high mountains. Mountaintops tend to be chilly places and I’m not fond of temperatures below 60 F. Nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there.

For another they were always male, serene and scantily clad. I’m female, serene only by extreme discipline and well come on, let’s not go there (especially not at those temperatures.) In fact, the list of why I did not strive for guru status goes on and on and gets much more serious than altitude, weather and wardrobe.

I thought I understood why gurus lived on mountaintops. It was to avoid the throngs of people who wanted to know the secret to “life the universe and everything”. It was to keep from falling victim to the ego trip of knowing you were wiser than the average bear. It was to prevent the world from squandering their hard won insights into what makes the sky blue and the wind blow. Anyone who wanted to share in the guru’s enlightenment had to pay a pretty steep price (or at least climb a pretty steep hill.)

Some of my dearest friends are gurus. Literally. Defined as “a teacher and guide in matters of fundamental concern”. And none of them live on mountaintops.

Because how do you add value from the top of a mountain?

These modern gurus act (and dress) a lot like the rest of us. They bear more resemblance to Pindar in The Go-Giver (written by a couple of my favorite gurus, Bob Burg and John David Mann) than they do to the Hindi leaders of old. What do they do with the secrets, wisdom, insights and enlightenment they have accumulated? They share it.

Like Pindar, they add value to every life they touch.

Their example made it flattering (without these role models it would have been intimidating) to be granted guru status by a couple of recent connections.

My first crack at guru status put me about as close to inhabiting a mountaintop as I want to come but it was (and continues to be) a fantastic experience. The Rise to the Top, hosted and produced by David Siteman-Garland is, as he says, "not your grandpa’s business show". (His description of a "talk show on steroids" is more on the mark.) But David packs it full of humor and solid informaton and augments it with downloadable resources that correspond to each episode. It’s fun, fast and informative!

I got to sit down with David on episode #4; Secrets to building great business and personal relationships and let him grill me about how to “grow your network by 1000%” or something unbelievable like that. You just can’t be nervous taking to David, you’re having too much fun, and he and his film crew were fantastic. They made me look and sound pretty good and then the editor took over and made me look and sound better.

(You can catch it Sunday the 25th on ABC 30 at 11AM or check out the rest of the show times at http://www.therisetothetop.com/.)

Shortly after that show first aired I started hearing myself referred to as a guru.

The next “incident” came through a blog written by Jason Thomas called The Giving Experiment. He references a coffee meeting I had with him and his friend Greg Younger and our host and catalyst for the meeting, Kevin Pannebecker. (Jason, I hope you weren’t really nervous about meeting me and that was just a wee bit of literary embellishment?) Jason has been observing and sharing his experiences in putting the Five Laws to Stratospheric Success from The Go-Giver into action. (He is currently looking to transition his career path into a sales role so if you’re looking for a sales professional who is a go-getter and a Go-Giver I suggest you give Jason a call.)

What did I learn from achieving “guru” status? That everyone is a guru!

Not only have I learned from my friends who have achieved guru status in the eyes of the many, I learn as much or more from the “secret gurus” whose worth has yet to be acknowledged. Let me give you a partial list in no particular order of the gurus who have touched my life in the last week. Some you've heard of and some you haven't but everyone of them is a guru worth getting to know.

Kevin Pannebecker, Bob Burg, Gill Wagner, Dr. William Payne, Lynne Wilhite, Chad Estes, Rachel Lapin, Wendy Gauntt, Thom Scott, Jeremy Nulik, Mercedes Bartlett, Tom Gillaspie, David Meyer, Dan Klein, Brian Schwartz, Chuck Hart, Scott Ginsberg, David Garland, Greg Younger, Lorrie Morgan-Ferrero, Bob Sommers, Ruth Binger, Tammy Dutton, John David Mann and Jason Thomas. That’s right, everyone of these people contributed to my success in just the last week!

We all have knowledge and expertise to share. We all have secrets, wisdom, insights and enlightenment that we have accumulated.

Which means we all have the ability to add value to all of our relationships. And that is the first step on the path to stratospheric success!

Put your best foot forward (actually either foot will do just fine), you can reach stratospheric heights and “rise to the top” without ever setting foot on a mountain.

Inspiration can be Humbling

2009-01-12T22:03:00.005-06:00

Today I had my thoughts taken out of my head, massaged into one succinct sentence and handed to me wrapped in a compliment without ever sharing a word.

So what’s a girl to say except, WOW!

I was writing a blog post last night. I decided the power of my passion was interfering with my objectivity, clicked “save now” and stumbled off to bed hoping tomorrow would, figuratively as well as literally, be another day.

Today I received this email:

This post was for you:

http://hellomynameisscott.blogspot.com/2008/12/attributes-of-approachable-leaders-part.html

Happy New Year!

Scott GinsbergThat Guy with the NametagAuthor, Speaker, Coach, Entrepreneur

Scott, I am, as usual, inspired and humbled.

“If they can’t come UP to you, they’ll never get BEHIND you.”

Yeah – that’s what I was trying to say. Exactly.

This is why you rock - businesses, brainstorms and lunches - because you don't waste words and you don't leave anything out.

Since I cannot possibly improve on your list I am going to table the When "Because I Said So" Doesn't Cut it Anymore blog post for another day and hope everyone who reads this has the good sense to take you up on your offer to send them the full "17 Ways to become a Thought Leader" list.

Lunch is on me, bring your notebook.

The Perfect Gift - The “giving season” is upon us – shed some joy where ever you go

2008-11-30T18:13:00.010-06:00

Ah, the search for that perfect gift. The one that will light up his or her face, the one that will never be returned or regifted. It’s that time of year again when we know we should be celebrating the joy of the season but we’re stretching our budgets and our time, trying to make sure every person on our list gets from us what they want, what they expect or what they only dreamed of.

We usually end up feeling like we just couldn’t be enough things to enough people which leaves us fetched up on the eve of the New Year too exhausted to make resolutions, let alone keep them, and so deep in debt our first resolution has to be to work harder to pay off the credit cards before next December rolls around.

Not to sound like a cheesy ad for a cosmetic dentist but did you ever consider giving a smile? Doesn’t cost much (unless you’re shopping for the perfect smile instead of the perfect gift), doesn’t take but a second, and it doesn’t need fancy gift wrapping.

When I was very young and very naïve I had a little game I played. It was called “what will it take to make you smile?” I smiled at everyone I met, and sometimes that was all it took. Sometimes it took a little conversation, sometimes it took more than one encounter. But I was out to prove I could make anybody smile.

In my early 20’s I worked at an accounting office in Lawrence, Kansas. The partners all knew about my little game and they told me they knew one client that I could never win against – he would never smile for me or anyone else. This client picked up his accounting every month but he never came in, he just pulled up out front and honked and you had to walk his reports out to his van. He never joked, he never chatted, he never even cracked a smile.

I said, “wanna bet?”

For months I walked out to the van, accounting reports in hand. And for months Dr. B refused to smile. A vet who often had his dogs in the van with him, I thought he might warm up if I let him know how much I shared his love of animals. He thawed a little when he saw that his dogs liked me, but he didn’t smile.

From July to November I played my game, losing to his straight face every month but never giving up. Then came December.

December in an accounting firm is the brink of crazyness. Between month end accounting, year end accounting and gearing up for the impending tax season, holiday parties are an afterthought at best. So I hadn’t even noticed that Dr. B’s accounting was sitting on the shelf. And I certainly wasn’t prepared to look up from my desk and see him standing in the doorway, leaning heavily on a cane and holding a holiday tin in the other hand. He limped slowly to my desk and held out the tin.

He said he wanted me to know how much my cheerfulness meant, especially that last summer when his gout was the worst and he hurt all the time and was embarrassed to try to walk because it was so hard. And he said the chocolates weren’t much but he hoped I had a Merry Christmas.

And little did he know that the true gift he gave me that Christmas was validation – because he was SMILING!

In The Go-Giver the hero, Joe, learns that the Fourth Law of Stratospheric Success, The Law of Authenticity, says the “the most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.” Author Bob Burg recently posted a fabulously amusing and meaningful video on The Go-Giver Blog about validation and the gift that a smile can bring. (Do take time to watch it – it will make you smile which makes it worth the time.)

Dr. B did for me exactly what the hero of that video does for everyone he meets, and what someone finally does for him. He validated the value of ME. Thank you Dr. B – without you I may never have learned how valuable the gift of “me” can be. And worse, I may never have learned how much it means to the giver to have their gift recognized.

Dr. B and I continued to smile at each other. Lawrence is a big little town and we saw each other off and on until I moved away. Even now, every time I feel too tired or too stressed to even smile I think about the effort it took him to get out of his van, the pride it cost him to make his awkward way from the van to my office and the joy it gave me to know that the gift I gave him meant so much.

This holiday season, and throughout the year, no matter how tired or stressed we are please let us remember how powerful a gift we have within ourselves and how easy it is to share it. And let us not forget to give validation to all the people who have given us that gift. You never know when they will look back at that moment of validation we offered and it will be the one thing that puts a smile back on their face. And that is the perfect, never ending gift that you can give anyone any day of the year.

Roadblocks, Speed Bumps and Stepping Stones

2008-11-16T16:06:00.013-06:00

So you’re barreling down the Career Super Highway and, oops, what is that you see on your horizon? A roadblock? A speed bump? A warning sign? A detour? Or maybe just a helpful stepping stone to bridge your way between where you are and where you want to go?

We’ve all had those days, sometimes they turn into weeks, when every step we take seems to lead to one more roadblock. We make plans, they fall through. We set goals and something gets in the way. We worry about things like the stock market, the job market, the farmer’s market and the price of eggs in China. (Okay, I just made those last two up but ‘I’ll bet someone somewhere is worried about them.)

So how do you handle mysterious things that get in your path? Do you come to a screeching halt and think “I’m safe where I am so maybe I’ll just pull over right here and hang tight until that thing goes away”? That’s what I’m seeing a lot of individuals and companies trying to do right now; hunker down, ride it out, wait and see. Well that’s a sure way to stall your career or your business but it is not a sure way to still have a career or business next year or even next month.

Or do you think “well it’s going to be rough so I’d better just step on the gas and try to get ahead of the pack”? Determination is a wonderful attribute but if it really was a roadblock you can do a lot of damage when you hit it and there just may have been a reason it was there.

Or maybe you are a true navigator, you get out your map, your spyglass and your compass and take stock of the situation. You consult with your team and the experts. You know that the thing on your horizon might be a brick wall but it might also be an opportunity. It might mean a detour, but the detour might take you somewhere you needed to go and would have never visited if your way hadn’t been blocked. It’s all a matter of perspective.

The economy is shifting the market. Maybe this is the ideal time to explore new markets, add new services and focus on convenience and customer service.
You just lost a key team member. Maybe this is the ideal time to restructure your strategy, evaluate your remaining team members, train new talent, reassign responsibilities, promote someone who has long deserved the chance to prove themselves. Team building is more than just hiring to replace a terminating employee, it's getting the right people in the right positions and giving them the resources to grow.
Advertising dollars are tight. Maybe now is the time to consider new tactics, try a guerrilla approach, create advertising alliances with complimentary businesses, explore email and text to get your message to your market, do something none of your competitors are doing, hone your message and carve a deeper niche.

Not to be too Pollyannaish, but most set backs also represent opportunities. And the people who have the perspective and perseverance to find the opportunities are the ones who create so much wealth and happiness we often look them and think “wow, how did she get so lucky?” We create our own luck, in the choices we make, the people we surround ourselves with, the resources we tap into, the beliefs we allow to rule our thoughts and our decisions. How we create success out of crisis is part of our mental and emotional programming and ultimately we control that. Crisis doesn’t make or break a person; it reveals their inner strength and vision.

Or to quote Scottish writer Allan K. Chalmers, “Crises redefine life. In them you discover who you are.” Follow that with a quote from another wise man, Epictetus, who said, “First say to yourself what you would be; then do what you have to do.”

Okay, so there’s a bump in the road on your horizon, who will you be and what will you do?

See Yourself - See Your World

2008-10-30T16:22:00.008-05:00

A Reflection:

• Image, representation, counterpart…
• Fixing the thoughts on something, careful consideration…
• The return of light heat, sound after striking a surface…
• The bending or folding back of a part upon itself…

Since the beginning of civilization we have sought to see ourselves. We looked for mirror images in still pools of water or polished metal shields. We sought to see our inner selves in our heroes and our gods. Then we started creating images and ideals that reflected our dreams, desires and aspirations.

So what did all that get us? Reflections of reflections? Distortions of our true selves? I had a stimulating email exchange with a dear friend about the way people interpret the advice given by Polonius to Laertes in Hamlet, “to thine ownself be true…” and he commented that the way the quote is understood is a study in how people see things based on their own belief systems. (I’d love to know how you interpret that quote – email me or comment below.)

Our understanding of culture, business culture included, depends on our self awareness and how we perceive ourselves. I think how we perceive art, philosophy, heroes, morals, religion, you name it, is a reflection of how we see ourselves and a key to understanding culture and how it evolves. Reflection requires distance and another surface on which to project an image, be it a pool of water or an idea. We PROJECT our own judgments, fears, hopes, experiences onto the other and then we REFLECT on them, often without recognizing ourselves in the reflected image.

If you are looking to your culture for a reflection of yourself you will likely be disappointed, cultural standards very seldom reflect attainable or even desirable goals. If you are looking to your friends you will find the image distorted by their history with you, by their desire to build you up, by their perception of what you want to hear. And so it goes, we see the world around us through our projected emotions and expectations.

To a large extent that is what people ask of a coach; to reflect without distortion, to give you back a clearer, truer image - of yourself, of your situation, of your goals, of your patterns, of your roadblocks, of your opportunities. To be that surface that reflects truly and without judgment. The next step, of course is exploring change, supporting change and then again, reflecting the progress so you never lose sight of how far you’ve come or where you want to go.

And as a coach I would say the first step is to be aware of what colors the way you see your world. When you see an opportunity do you look for the catch? When you see your own work do you see it as less excellent and valuable than the work of your peers? What are you projecting onto the things you believe reflect you? And do those filters serve you? Do they make you more willing to move forward or do they keep you mesmerized like the Gorgon (or like Narcissus looking in the pool?)

Unlock your gaze my friend. Forward momentum certainly depends on seeing yourself clearly but it also depends on not becoming so focused on that reflection that you can’t take the first step.

Overcoming Programmed Responses - Or How to Not Lead With Your Knee

2008-09-28T13:45:00.003-05:00

Since when does our mental/emotional programming affect our knees? Well, think about what we often refer to as a “knee jerk reaction” – that “no-time-to-involve-the-reasoning-mind” response that we often fall back on when we are cornered, pressured, stressed, attacked or when we even think that we are any of those things.

Knee jerk reactions are the human equivalent of “if then” statements in our programming. Our experience tells us “if someone says or does _____________ then it means _________ and you should immediately do __________ about it.”

Those reactions are based on programming that was entered by SOMEONE ELSE in some other situation. They are one of the reasons we repeat patterns – we experienced that pattern once and, even though we didn’t like the outcome, we learned that one thing will lead to another and we react accordingly. Like driving the same route every day and having one point where two lanes merge into one – at one time, or maybe two times, the car in the other lane zoomed up and tried to cut in front of you. You think “CHEATER, the nerve of that guy” and so from that point on you speed up at that point to keep anyone from cutting in. The road gods had better be watching over any poor out-of-towner who realizes at the last moment his lane is ending and tries to get in front of you, he’s likely to lose his bumper at the very least.

If you want to be in control of your future and break the patterns that don’t move you closer to your goals you have to recognize the programming and when it does not apply to new data and new situations. You have to become aware of when you are repeating patterns, when your responses are based, not on the current situation, but on expectations that were established during another situation which may, or may not, apply. So when you have a knee jerk response you want to ask “is this an old program trying to run or is this a valid response to the situation?” Another good question is “is there another way to look at this?”

The ultimate question is “what response can I make that will resolve this conflict in a way that is most beneficial for ALL parties?” Even though that resolution may not provide as much emotional satisfaction in the short run, it will earn you tremendous kudos in the long run for grace under pressure, for acting with integrity, for being equitable and for being the “bigger man” regardless of your gender. I’ll bet you’ll even like yourself a little better when you lead with your heart and mind, not your knees.

Being Scared Isn't Being Motivated

2008-08-18T13:04:00.012-05:00

As motivational techniques go, fear is highly overrated. And yet, it's a trap most people have fallen into at one time or another. We've seen parents, managers, even entire governments try the "if you are frightened enough of the consequences you'll be motivated to do the right thing" trap.

I once sat on a discussion panel with a consultant who told the audience that she thought the number one value she she provided to her clients was to keep the employees on their toes and "put a little fear into them". I told the audience I thought the number one value I provided was to be a resource for the employees to make sure they developed competence and confidence and never had to be afraid of failure. You can imagine how disheartening it was to realize that a large percentage of the managers and employers in the room thought that hiring HER would make their lives easier.

I was, therefore, pretty disappointed in myself when I recently commented to a client that I felt some of the "dis sync" she was having with her ops manager was that this manager was "more afraid of the team than she is of her boss." Right diagnosis, WRONG terminology. My bad.

And I'm happy to say that when my client asked "so what do I do to make her scared of me?" she was (mostly) kidding. Neither of us would want anyone on her team to be afraid of anything because fear of consequences doesn't motivate anyone to do anything more than just enough to avoid the consequences.

And that was exactly what we were seeing in this manager; she was doing what she could to avoid certain consequences, but she was more motivated to avoid the consequences of making anyone on the team unhappy with her than she was to avoid the consequences of not meeting the business objectives. She was asking for increased budgets, pushing back on timelines and making excuses for work from herself and the team that wasn't up to standard. The employees, motivated by a fear of failure and finding an advocate in the manager, were campaigning for a redefinition of success. And the employer, who had a fear of being unreasonable and losing employees, was torn between accepting the lowering of standards and demanding what she knew was essential to provide good value to her customers.

If you've read Patrick Lencioni's The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, you've already guessed that this team was dysfunctional in all five areas. They didn't trust each other enough to have conflict, in fact, the manager and the employer were both more scared of conflict with the team than they were of not meeting their objectives. They weren't committed to their goals, in fact the buy in for their goals was so low that everyone was trying to negotiate a new definition for attaining them. Accountability was so low that everyone pointed to everyone else as the reason things weren't getting done and the manager was pointing to the employer as the person setting unreasonable goals. So of course, no one was focused on team outcomes, they were too busy trying to protect their backsides.

Did I just overstate the diagnosis? Maybe, as with any team some days are better than others and some players better than others on any given day. But if you looked at the entire "season" that pretty well describes why they didn't have a winning record.

In this equation everyone was motivated to do what they were doing by a fear of consequences so ALL of them were doing only what was necessary to avoid those consequences. Fear was, in fact, blocking their ability to be truly motivated toward excellence and growth. They were no longer striving to succeed, they were desperately trying not to fail.

To determine if you are building a motivated team ask yourself "what are they striving toward?" If, in fact, they are working harder to "try to avoid" than they are "striving toward" you don't yet have a motivated team, you have a lot of scared individuals.

The Blog Stalker

2008-07-26T19:09:00.012-05:00

When I first started exploring the idea of sharing my thoughts through blogging one of my networking buddies recommended that I visit the blog of a well known tech blogger. He made that recommendation because I said I didn't want to write about facts and events, I wanted my blog to be about ideas, notions and random connections and to invite people to agree or disagree but mostly to inspire them to think and challenge their own perspectives. It may seem odd that he thought I should read a tech blog but that was exactly the point - it wasn't purely a tech blog, it was a blog by a techie who wrote as much about the impact technology was having on our lives as she did about the technology itself.

But when I did visit her blog the last several posts weren't about technology at all. They were about her traumatic experience with a stalker. This person started with comments on her blog, progressed to emails, then to written letters. It started with derogatory raving and went to death threats and explicit pictures. It ended with her being under police protection and having to cancel an appearance at the Emerging Technologies conference, which, ironically, my friend and client Wendy Gauntt of CIO Services (read her humurous and informative tech blog here) attended.

I was horrified, I was sympathetic, but I wasn't scared. This stalker wasn't taking these actions because of anything she'd written, he was obsessed with HER. Therefore, I reasoned, this wouldn't happen to me. And it didn't, at least not to that extent. But earlier this month I found out there is someone out there who IS monitoring me through the internet, someone who pays attention when my name or company name shows up in new content, someone who is interested because it's ME.

It's freaky. My first response was to do some online searching, what kind of content was this person able to get to? (check out Wendy Gauntt's blog post about Twitter and Seurat's art - I think the minutia of our lives do form a picture.) My next response was to do some soul searching, how comfortable was I sharing my stories and random ramblings, not only with strangers but with this very interested party?

I quit writing. I second guessed everything I thought about writing. I berated myself for not writing, for my completely unreasonable response. And I asked myself a couple of questions; "What are you really afraid of?" and "How much of your life are you willing to surrender to fear?"

And then I second guessed the answers, but ultimately I got to the heart of it. My answers aren't the point, those weren't even the right questions. The right question was this: "How do I live a life that is not compromised by fear?"

Because we all have fears. Lots of them. We fear loss, failure, pain and death. We fear ridicule, loss of face, weakness and being alone. We fear being backed into corners, making promises we can't keep, not having choices, the list goes on forever. And all of our fears are reasonable because all of those things are possible (and some are inevitable extensions of living.)

Living a powerful life does not mean living a life that is free of fear, it means making your life choices regardless of your fears, building enough personal strength to have the confidence to face your fears and, every bit as important, it means surrounding yourself with enough nurturing elements that when the fear seems overwhelming you have a safe harbor to rest in until you are ready to set sail again.

So here's to reaching our destinations, regardless of shallow water, storms and sharks. The threats may be real but the prize is just as real and worth the risk!

What Really Happens When All Things Are NOT Equal

2008-07-01T22:25:00.003-05:00

In my last post I quoted Bob Burg’s line of “all things being equal, people do business with, and refer business to, people they know, like and trust.” I then hypothesized that “all things NOT being equal, people will STILL do business and refer to people they know, like and trust.”

A quick flurry of emails later Bob put it back to me that there are a lot of reasons that all things would NOT be equal and people would NOT do business with, or refer business to, someone they know, like and trust. And most of those reasons fall under the trust category. For instance, what if people know, like you and trust you personally but your product really isn’t competitive? What if they know, like and trust you personally but your company policies are so stringent they just won’t just through all the hoops to do business with you. What if they know, like and trust you personally, but your company’s customer service just stinks? You get the picture.

On the other hand, I’ve seen people continue to refer business to people they know, like and trust after they no longer do business there. Take the healthcare field, I’ve seen patients of a dental practice that offered great service continue to refer people even after their insurance changed to a “proffered provider only” plan. And I’ve seen patients return to that practice even though it meant paying a higher out of pocket cost because they realized the value offered by the doctor and his staff.

I’ve seen a client continue to get referrals from an office manager after she moved to a new position where she was no longer in control of vendors because he had taken such good care of her in the past.

Just remember that when we put our trust in you as an individual we expect that we will be able to trust you AND the product and company you represent. If you and your product and company deliver on that trust you’ll likely still be getting business from us even when all things are no longer equal. If we experience a “dis sync” between what we can expect from you and the value we receive from your product and your company you may not be able to count on our business or referrals because that “dis sync” is all it takes to shift the equation to “all things NOT being equal.”

Defining Irredeemable

2008-06-16T17:23:00.008-05:00

I was sitting at lunch with Bob Burg last week and asked him a question. (That’s right, I haven’t been blogging because I’ve been very busy living with no time to comment on it, but some really cool stuff happened during the last two weeks including a great event with Bob Burg, the author of Endless Referrals and co-author of The Go-Giver! I’ll be updating you all in upcoming posts.)

So anyway, back to the question - I asked Bob, “what percentage of people do you think are irredeemable “Go-Takers?” (Go-Takers, as you know if you read Bob’s blog posts at www.thegogiver.com/blog, are the opposite of Go-Givers. Bob defines them in the blog post as “that person who feels almost entitled to take, take, take without having provided value — to the other person, to the relationship, to the process, etc.”)

Well Bob said he didn’t know and I certainly didn’t know, but it got us talking about Go-Takers, belief systems how to know a Go-Taker and how to work with them when the situation demands it. We never did define “irredeemable”, maybe because neither of us likes to think that anyone is an irredeemable Go-Taker, we just know there are some people we won’t be able to reach.

I think a lot of the “yeah, buts” that we hear about being a Go-Giver are either from Go-Takers or from people who have encountered a lot of Go-Takers in their life. We know they’re out there, in the book Joe was a Go-Taker until he met Pindar and decided to give the “Trade Secret” a try. So if Go-Takers are the biggest reason you think that applying the principles of The Go-Giver might not succeed let’s talk about how to recognize a Go-Taker and how not to let them get in the way of your stratospheric success.

Before we start the stereotypes remember this: we are all a “product of our raising” as a client of mine likes to say. I call it programming, some call it nurture, but whatever you call it unless we consciously override that input it will define our belief system and that belief system will define our behavior and our outcome. So when you see someone behaving like a Go-Taker remember that their behavior is only reflecting their belief system and a belief system can be changed if the person is willing.

So here are a few stereotypes I believe are Go-Takers:

The “let’s make it mutually beneficial because I want to be damned sure I benefit” type. This type talks a lot about how they can help you because their belief system says that “there ain’t no such thing as a free lunch” and “you’ve got to give in order to get.” So they start by telling you what they are willing to give or “pay” in order to get what they want. Once they get over the shock of meeting someone who will give just for the sake of giving they are usually pretty easy to convert. In fact, this type is often a disguised Go-Giver who would like to give without keeping score but doesn’t want to be seen as an “easy touch” or who just hates to ask for anything or owe a favor. I still fall into some of these patterns and beliefs so I totally get how this happens.

The “isn’t it nice that you’re having some success, now how can I catch a ride on your coattails” type. This type follows the belief that “it’s not who you know, it’s who knows you” but they don’t really get to know people more than superficially because they are always looking past this encounter to see if there is someone more important they should be meeting. They live on borrowed success, they are quick to name drop and to exaggerate relationships. They pretend to influence they don’t have and commit to making things happen when they can’t deliver. They will do anything for someone they view as higher on the ladder but seldom have time for any relationship they can’t capitalize on. In their concern for making the most out of their contact list they forget that the secret to stratospheric success is all about people – we add value to people’s lives, we serve people, we have influence with people, we offer our personal value and we receive from people. So engaging with an opportunity, with a title, with a status symbol or with anything other than the whole individual will never lead to sustainable, stratospheric success no matter how high on the ladder you climb or whose coattails you catch a ride on.

The “can I negotiate one more drop of blood from this engagement” type. This type buys into the belief that you should never leave a dime on the table, never be a sucker and never miss a chance to add a little to the bottom line. As Ernesto says in The Go-Giver, “will it make money isn’t a bad question, it’s just a bad FIRST question.” It’s also a bad last question. If, as Ernesto says, the first question should be “will it serve” then the last question we should ask might be “did I serve?” Because if we served and made money we weren’t suckers and neither was the other party. Because if, as Bob said in his presentation on Friday, “all things being equal, people do business and refer to people they know, like and trust” then we shouldn’t ask them to do business with us if we were so concerned about being a sucker that we made suckers out of them. (Here’s another belief system that holds true in these economically “troubled” times; “all things NOT being equal, people will STILL do business and refer to people they know, like and trust.” Just something to think about.)

I’m sure there are many more Go-Taker stereotypes and I hope you’ll comment and blog on your experiences with them. But let’s take this last paragraph to think about how to keep them from ruining your success. Bob’s advice was simple, “know who you’re dealing with and plan accordingly.” Yup, that simple. Notice he DID NOT say “act accordingly.” You still follow those 5 Laws to Stratospheric Success. But if you recognize a Go-Taker you will want to also take extra care with your contracts, be clear about the commitments you are making and what you can expect from the other party, pay attention to your gut when it says “you’re being taken advantage of.” And there is nothing that says the path to stratospheric success includes losing, just giving. You aren’t being asked to be a martyr, just a giver and receiver. So if there is nothing in it for you, not even the satisfaction of serving, walk away.

I believe that most people would prefer to be Go-Givers if their belief system supported equating giving and receiving without keeping score and stratospheric success. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to be able to redeem every Go-Taker and neither will you.

Which Would You Rather?

2008-06-03T18:24:00.002-05:00

I once had a friend who liked to play a game she called “which would you rather?” It went like this; Jan would give you two choices and you had to choose one and tell her why you would make that choice.

So she would greet you by asking, “Which would you rather – have to chew broken glass or have a needle poked in your eye?”

Did I mention that Jan and I met doing community theatre where the more bizarrely thought provoking the question the more seriously it would be taken? I’ve since lost track of Jan (if you’re out there girl I’d love to hear from you) but the “which would you rather” phrase still puts a goofy grin on my face.

While Jan delighted in coming up with equally unappealing activities, we quite often feel we must choose between equally desirable or even necessary options. “Should I opt for ordering the appetizer or the desert?” (Or have both on the theory that you only live once?) “Should I hire the candidate with the best experience or the one with the most enthusiasm?” (For more on resolving that dilemma read the May 30 post; “How Much Experience Should You Hire?”)

Here’s another dilemma that impacts everything from employee selection to business culture– which would you rather, dependability or innovation?

Do you need someone who will predictably and consistently maintain status quo? Is your culture about stability and steady growth? Or should you be looking for people who will innovate change, who will foster a culture of being open to every possibility?

Dependability breeds commitment just as innovation breeds excitement.

What business can prosper without commitment, from their employees, their clients and their community? But what business can prosper without excitement, about their services, their products and their brand?

Of course, every business needs both commitment and excitement. So every business needs dependability and innovation. The key is to not only hire the right people and put them in the right roles, but to also insure that everyone in your organization fully embraces the importance of both roles and honors what the other players contribute to making sure you never have to play the “which would you rather” game.

I use the Kolbe A index to tell me how I can expect a team member to take action - by stabilizing and maintaining systems or by innovating new solutions - and put together workshops to explore and develop synergy in teams. The Kolbe MO is only one of three aspects that should be taken into consideration when selecting an employee for any role, but I find it to be the most predictive.

How do you make sure you aren’t choosing between commitment and excitement? Are you putting people in roles where they can do what they do naturally, whether that is by creating and maintaining dependable systems or innovating new solutions? Does your company culture embrace both or are you playing the “which would you rather” game?

How Much Experience Should You Hire?

2008-05-30T12:36:00.003-05:00

Have you ever hired a resume? Sure you have. You’ve looked at the perfect accumulation of knowledge and skills in the “Experience” section and thought, “I’m going to like this person.” So you did.

And a few months (or weeks) later you were still trying to like this person. That’s usually the person being referred to when I’m in a conversation with a business owner or manager and they say, “Well, I’ve got this person…”

We’ve all got one of those people – or we have had one of those people. They have the kind of knowledge, skills or even potential that we hate to see get away, but somehow they just aren’t contributing all of that knowledge, skills and potential to our organization. Or maybe they’re giving 120% but they have such an attitude toward the rest of the team that productivity is still in a downward spiral.

So let me share my priorities when I’m working with a client on employee evaluation or selection – they’re pretty simple:

#1 – Attitude – that’s right, attitude. Since it’s the hardest to change and the hardest to tolerate if it doesn’t work in your favor I make this my first assessment.
#2 – Aptitude – not “have they done the job?” but “do they have the potential to do a great job?” (This is where the Kolbe A assessment comes in to the equation.)
#3 – Experience – understand that I don’t think experience isn’t valuable, it’s worth a lot to hire someone who can hit the ground running. And if they have a great attitude and the aptitude to get even better you’ll never be sorry.

Don't Look a Go-Giver in the Mouth

2008-05-28T10:07:00.001-05:00

Have you ever read one of those books that puts a language to a whole realm of "things you knew to be true" but could never really put in a nutshell so that you could share them with everyone else? Two books top that list for me; "Pure Instinct" by Kathy Kolbe and "The Go-Giver" by Bob Burg and John David Mann. Anyone who knows me knows about those two books, they've been that impactful in my life.

So when I read the blog post by Bob Burg "Go-Getters are Also Good" explaining that the opposite of a go-giver" isn't a "go-getter" but a "go-taker" a light went on.

But you know, living in a world overwhelmed with "go-takers" can make it tough to convert to being a "go-giver". I recently connected a well seasoned, highly knowledgeable, business consultant with a young cinematographer. This young man has loads of talent, a real passion for what he does and an impressive body of work and I felt he was ready to hear some feedback on his business strategy. So after their first lunch together I asked the young man how it went. He said he thought he’d done something to upset the consultant but didn’t know what. We talked for a bit and finally I asked him, “Does it make you suspicious when you can’t figure out the other person’s agenda?” His answer? “Well, yeah,” delivered in the tone we usually use when we say “Well, duh!”

So I asked him, “Do you think you might have upset him because you didn’t trust him?”

Brief pause then the light went on.

Sure enough, when I talked with the consultant he confirmed the “dissync” – he didn’t like knowing this young man didn’t trust him. And all for the lack of a self-serving agenda on the part of either party!

I hope this story has a happy ending and that these two terrific guys will connect again. That I can’t promise. What I can promise is this – if we look for “go-takers” we will find them. But if we look for a “go-taker” in someone who is really a “go-giver” we will only be confused and suspicious and we’ll miss out on some of the best opportunities that will ever come our way.

What “go-givers” might you have a “dyssync” with? Is it possible that you might have turned away the offer of a lifetime because of unfounded suspicions?

Who do you answer to?

2008-05-25T17:26:00.006-05:00

I sat there in my car, facing West on I-70 looking at the tail end of a semi trailer in front of me and the grill of another one in my rear view mirror, moving about an inch per second. Not an auspicious beginning to what would now be an even longer than usual trip to see a client of 12 years who, if he and his team weren’t such a joy to coach, I would have dropped long ago just to avoid this very kind of situation.

This required more than music to distract me, it was either return some calls or tune in to NPR. Too frustrated with my current traffic dilemma to return calls – let’s see what NPR has going on.

I came into the middle of an interview about happiness. As in “are you happy?” and “how happy are you?” But also as in “why are people in their 40’s and 50’s so unhappy?” and “is there a limit to how happy you can be?” Huh?

Yup, turns out that there are studies that indicate that people are more likely to suffer depression in their middle years. And other studies suggest that we all have a “happiness set point” that determines how predisposed we are to being happy and just how much "happy" we are able to sustain.

Since I know that success in coaching means tapping into that “happy” that they were discussing and many of my clients are, like myself, in the age range they were saying is less likely to be able to tap into that “happy”, I "happily" listened to every theory put forth by the author, the show host and all the people who called in to comment on the air. I found it unsettling to realize that the theme of the views being aired was that we lose touch with our “happy” in our middle years because we aren’t able to realize our dreams. Then as the years continue to pass by we slowly come to terms with the loss of our dreams and become content and able to connect with our “happy” again. So they concluded that if we “lower our sights” and “accept our limitations” earlier in life we can avoid that middle age depression. Now that is enough to make ME depressed.

I thought about “happy” for a long time after I passed the construction that had caused my traffic snarl. Zipping along toward Kansas City I asked myself what I thought it meant to be happy. Did sitting nearly motionless on I70 make me unhappy? Not really. Frustrated, yes, but not unhappy. So I started a mental list of the things in my life right now and about each one I asked myself “does that make you happy or unhappy?”

Interesting and mentally entertaining (you might try it sometime) but not the heart of the matter here. The real discovery came when I started questioning why we would be more prone to depression in our middle years. Now I’ve had my share of clients who suffered from depression and not all of them were between 35 and 65. And I’ve had many clients in that age range who weren’t depressed (or at least didn’t let on to me if they were.) So I pondered our life cycles and my experiences with clients of all ages and I have a different theory to propose:

What if we get depressed, not because we lose sight of our dreams but because we lose sight of our lives?

Think about it; when we are young adults we don’t really answer to anyone more important than ourselves. We have parents, professors, bosses, etc… but we have the option to ignore them or exchange them. We are “big girls and boys” and we can make it on our own. We can drop that class. We can get a new job. We can choose! And when we reach retirement age we give up many of the people we answer to. Our parents have often passed on, if we have professors it is because we’re taking classes for the joy of learning and we can always walk away and if we still have bosses we also have the light of retirement shining within reach. Our children are grown, our relationships have become less turbulent. Again, we have choices!

But in those years in between we usually add lifemates, children and bosses that control the success of our careers. We may add employees and clients. We often are now caring for our parents and so answer to them almost as dependably as we did when we were children. We have a place in society and answer to the expectations of our peers. Nearly every moment of our lives is spent answering to someone other than ourselves. Even if our dreams are still intact and still within reach we don’t have an ounce of energy to reach for them.

So maybe keeping “happy” within reach means making sure you are still reaching for your dreams without giving up your life. So here is a challenge worth doing if you want to keep your “happy” in sight. This is an adaptation of an exercise called the Priority Bullseye which was developed by Kathy Kolbe, the theorist and author behind the Kolbe Wisdom. I use it often with my coaching clients.

Answer this question: “If I answered ONLY to myself what would I want to accomplish?” Now write it down. That’s easy, isn’t it? (If it isn’t easy you may have just discovered one major “dissync” that is keeping you out of reach of your “happy”.)

Next, jot down a list of all the people you answer to. Not people who want something from you but the people whom you either choose to or must try to satisfy.

Next, take another sheet of paper and draw a big circle, and a smaller circle inside that and a smaller circle within that and a little circle in the middle. (If it doesn’t look a lot like a target go back and do it again.)

Next, in the bullseye spot (the circle in the middle) write down the most important person you answer to right now. That one relationship that, if you screw this one up will cause everything else to suffer. Then in the space between the bullseye and the next circle write the person who comes next and so on until you've filled in the spaces in all the circles.

You’ve already guessed the next question, haven’t you? Where are you on the target? How much of what you would want to accomplish if you answered to yourself is "in sync" with what you can accomplish by answering to the people you’ve listed on your target?

Are your dreams and your priorities perfectly in sync? If not, how will you answer the all important question: “How do I bring accomplishing my dreams closer to the bullseye?”